Archive for 2015

Have You Gone Down to Accounting and Checked Stacey's Mouth?

VP: Has anyone seen my teabags?
Receptionist: Where did you last put them?
VP: On the kitchen counter.
Receptionist: You put your teabags on the counter? Did anyone see you?
VP: No, no one else was there.
Receptionist: Are they jumbo-sized teabags?
VP: No, they're regular size, and I've looked everywhere!

Vienna, Virginia

Overheard by: Office drone

…How Much I’m Enjoying Your Discomfort

Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm… cool.
Beastly employee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm… ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sorry.

Hawthorne, New York

Overheard by: I have my own office