Archive for 2015

Have You Gone Down to Ac­count­ing and Checked Stacey’s Mouth?

VP: Has any­one seen my teabags?
Re­cep­tion­ist: Where did you last put them?
VP: On the kitchen counter.
Re­cep­tion­ist: You put your teabags on the counter? Did any­one see you?
VP: No, no one else was there.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Are they jum­bo-sized teabags?
VP: No, they’re reg­u­lar size, and I’ve looked every­where!

Vi­en­na, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Of­fice drone

…How Much I’m En­joy­ing Your Dis­com­fort

Beast­ly em­ploy­ee: That re­minds me of when I was skin­ny. I was smok­ing. With my thigh-high boots.
Pret­ty em­ploy­ee: Mm­mm… cool.
Beast­ly em­ploy­ee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pret­ty em­ploy­ee, un­hap­pi­ly: Um­m­mm… ok.
Passer­by em­ploy­ee to pret­ty em­ploy­ee, sym­pa­thet­i­cal­ly: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sor­ry.

Hawthorne, New York

Over­heard by: I have my own of­fice