Archive for 2015

Jeez, Again With the Fire Ants

Female coworker: Babe, I need this one. (hands it to him)
Male coworker: But look, that one is $20 but here's one that's only $8.
Female coworker: But I want this one–it's the one day instead of seven.
Male coworker: Why? Is one day really worth the extra $12?
Female coworker: Well, let's see. If your wang was coated with fire ants, would it be worth the extra $12 to get rid of them in one day instead of seven?
Male coworker: (puts the one-day treatment in the basket)

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Lindsey

I've Really Watched His, Uh, Practice Grow.

Patient on phone: I would like to make an appointment to see Dr. Radcliff*
CSR: Okay, have you seen Dr. Radcliff before or are you a new patient?
Patient: Well, he's been in me three times before (referring to stent placed in heart and legs) So he's pretty much my doctor already!
CSR: Okkkkkk… (nervous chuckle)

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: TMI

Ever Feel Like Hamsters Have a Lot in Common with High School Girls?

Peon #1: I bought my son a small hamster when he was about seven or eight. We didn't know it at the time, but the hamster was pregnant with a litter of nine. After she had given birth to her pups, we noticed that she started biting their little heads off. My son was very upset because of this, and so was I. I looked it up online and I ended up reading somewhere that hamster moms don't behead their young after their eyes have opened, and we had one hamster left, and its eyes had opened. We figured everything would be fine, but when I came home from work the next day we saw that she killed that one as well. My son was bawling his eyes out that evening.
Peon #2: That's terrible. What ended up happening?
Peon #1: I put her in a coffee canister and took her out to the woods… and I threw her in a snake pit. I'm not sure if she made it out.

Hampton, Virginia