Archive for 2015

Jeez, Again With the Fire Ants

Fe­male cowork­er: Babe, I need this one. (hands it to him)
Male cowork­er: But look, that one is $20 but here’s one that’s on­ly $8.
Fe­male cowork­er: But I want this one–it’s the one day in­stead of sev­en.
Male cowork­er: Why? Is one day re­al­ly worth the ex­tra $12?
Fe­male cowork­er: Well, let’s see. If your wang was coat­ed with fire ants, would it be worth the ex­tra $12 to get rid of them in one day in­stead of sev­en?
Male cowork­er: (puts the one-day treat­ment in the bas­ket)

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Lind­sey

I’ve Re­al­ly Watched His, Uh, Prac­tice Grow.

Pa­tient on phone: I would like to make an ap­point­ment to see Dr. Rad­cliff*
CSR: Okay, have you seen Dr. Rad­cliff be­fore or are you a new pa­tient?
Pa­tient: Well, he’s been in me three times be­fore (re­fer­ring to stent placed in heart and legs) So he’s pret­ty much my doc­tor al­ready!
CSR: Okkkkkk… (ner­vous chuck­le)

Burling­ton, Ver­mont

Over­heard by: TMI

Ever Feel Like Ham­sters Have a Lot in Com­mon with High School Girls?

Pe­on #1: I bought my son a small ham­ster when he was about sev­en or eight. We did­n’t know it at the time, but the ham­ster was preg­nant with a lit­ter of nine. Af­ter she had giv­en birth to her pups, we no­ticed that she start­ed bit­ing their lit­tle heads off. My son was very up­set be­cause of this, and so was I. I looked it up on­line and I end­ed up read­ing some­where that ham­ster moms don’t be­head their young af­ter their eyes have opened, and we had one ham­ster left, and its eyes had opened. We fig­ured every­thing would be fine, but when I came home from work the next day we saw that she killed that one as well. My son was bawl­ing his eyes out that evening.
Pe­on #2: That’s ter­ri­ble. What end­ed up hap­pen­ing?
Pe­on #1: I put her in a cof­fee can­is­ter and took her out to the woods… and I threw her in a snake pit. I’m not sure if she made it out.

Hamp­ton, Vir­ginia