Archive for 2015

When the Of­fice Net­work Is Down

Cowork­er #1, sigh­ing: I feel like I’m not re­al­ly do­ing any­thing right now.
Cowork­er #2: That’s be­cause you’re not! Well you’re breath­ing, that’s about it.


That, and They Mess Up Your Room While You’re Sleep­ing

Woman: I want­ed to find out the sta­tus of the in­ves­ti­ga­tion on my stolen bike. It hap­pened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the or­ange alert.
Woman: I’m sor­ry — or­ange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fuck­ing Iraqis stole my bike?!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

12PM Or­der E‑mail for Dum­mies

Gen­er­al Man­ag­er: I have an email prob­lem, I need you to an­swer a question…Do I have to use all low­er­case Ls here? Can’t I use 1s? They look like 1s.
IT: No! You have to use Ls! That is how e‑mail works! It’s an ad­dress that you have to get right!
Gen­er­al Man­ag­er: It’s hard to tell if it is an L or a 1.
IT: Well yes, but from con­text clues, the email says, “Lit­tle Girl.”
Gen­er­al Man­ag­er: Well you know what they say about as­sum­ing. Makes an ass…you…me.

13601 FM 529 Road
Hous­ton, Texas

Love Day, One Week Lat­er

Em­ploy­ee #1: I won­der who put these choco­lates on my desk.
Em­ploy­ee #2: I put my mon­ey on the east­er bun­ny.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Yeah, the east­er bunny…at this point in my life I’ll even take farm an­i­mals in­to con­sid­er­a­tion.

360 Hi­att Dri­ve
Palm Beach Gar­dens, Flori­da