Archive for 2015

But Grades Aren't Everything

Cube rat on phone to friend: Hey dude, how's it going? (pause) Cool. Hey, I've got a new girlfriend. (pause) Yeah, double Ds.

Western Australia


My Secret? I Keep Absinthe in My Side Drawer.

Girl coworker: I'll e-mail the help desk…I'll just say “please help us, help desk.” Ahahah! I 'm so funny.
Guy coworker: Okay, good idea. You're typing all in caps.
Girl coworker: I know! That's because everything is in capitals on my computer.
Guy coworker: Um, you have the cap locks on.
Girl coworker: What is that?
Guy coworker: The caps lock key on your keyboard?
Girl coworker: Oh, no! My computer is just all caps.
Guy coworker: No, just do this. (does it) See? Now you're not in caps anymore.
Girl coworker: Oh my gosh! You are so smart! Oh! Thank you so much! Oooohhh! Let me retype my e-mail to the help desk! “Please help us, help desk.” That's so funny! “Please help us, help desk.”

Northern California

I Changed My Name — It Was Just Easier

Cashier: You’re new? What’s your name?
Newbie: Ryan.
Cashier: Brian?
Newbie: Ryan.
Cashier: It’s good to know you, Brian.
Newbie: Ryan. It’s Ryan, with an ‘R.’
Cashier: Huh? What do you mean, ‘with an R’? Is there any way to spell Brian without an ‘R’?
Newbie: I suppose not, no.

2020 Gunbarrel Road
Chattanooga, Tennessee