Archive for 2015

The Aunt Need­ed to Be Wormed af­ter an Un­for­tu­nate In­ci­dent with a Tequi­la Bot­tle

Sales as­sis­tant #1: My dad came over this last week­end and wormed Annabelle for me.
Of­fice man­ag­er: Why did your dad have to do it?
Sales as­sis­tant #2: Is this your aunt?
Of­fice man­ag­er: Don’t you just give her a pill?
Sales as­sis­tant #1: No, you put it up her… poo.
Sales as­sis­tant #2: Um­mm…
Sales as­sis­tant #3: It’s an an­i­mal, Ed*!
Sales as­sis­tant #1: My dad wormed Josie, too. He has to put the med­i­cine up the dog’s tushy.
Sales as­sis­tant #2: Ohhh, okay, I thought this was her aunt. I’m okay now.

Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

4PM Soft­ware Up­grade Project…Kill Me Now

Man­ag­er: Since most of these are not used, let’s go through and up­grade those first, then we’ll see what’s left.
Pro­gram­mer: If they’re not used, we don’t need to up­grade them, right?
Man­ag­er: Right, but we need to fig­ure out which ones are used.
Pro­gram­mer: Can’t we fig­ure that out by elim­i­nat­ing the ones that aren’t used with­out up­grad­ing them?
Man­ag­er: No, we need to up­grade the ob­so­lete pro­grams first.

580 Wal­nut Street
Cincin­nati, Ohio

Un­less There’s a Fire, It’s Best Not to Com­ment on Smells at Work

Cube rat #1: Oh! (in­hales deeply) I love that smell! Do you smell it?
Cube rat #2: No. What smell?
Cube rat #1: Skunk! I love the smell of skunk!
Cube rat #2: It is the mid­dle of winter…there aren’t any skunks this time of year.
Cube rat #1: You know, you’re right. Hm­m­mm, I won­der…
Cube rat #2: I just fart­ed.
Cube rat #1: Are you kid­ding me? You mean I have been stand­ing here en­joy­ing your fart?
Cube rat #2: Um… (pause) Yeah, guess so!

Fair­banks, Alas­ka