…Now Would You Prefer a Metal or Wooden Bat?

Auto claims adjuster on phone: I'm authorized to offer you $1,000 for the pain and suffering I'm about to give you.

Brentwood, Tennessee

Hint: Last Year’s Office Christmas Party

Merchandiser #1: Do you really want to name this catalog spread ‘Circle Jerk’? Doesn’t that sound a little porn-ish?
Merchandiser #2: Why? What do you think ‘circle jerk’ means?

Monroe, Louisiana

Which Is Common Practice in the Bronx

Data entry thug: Your family has a practice, and the practice is to bend you over backwards and fuck you as hard as they can.

Bronx
New York City, New York

Overheard by: glad I'm not related

I'll Just Bugger Off, Then

Coworker #1: Hey, you're going to be late for your meeting!
Coworker #2, disappointed: Ohhhhh… bum-sex.

IT Office
Cheshire
England

And While We’re on the Topic, How Come You Never Call Me at Night?

Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you’re in a coffin.

Beaverton, Oregon

Overheard by: brian

Inside Her Vagina?

Employee: Bridget's out on maternity leave again? That woman is fertile!
Boss: Yeah, I know where to come if I want to have more kids.

Bellevue, Washington

How Far in Advance Do You Think I Need to Book My Tickets?

Intern: So, why aren't people making a big deal about the Mars Lander?
Busy office worker: I don't know.
Intern: Do you know many people who are on board?

Indiana

I Need a Break from Listening to My Wife Go on about It

Employee on phone: Yeah, you know, my dad died last weekend, which is a good thing… Hey, you wanna go fishin’?

Mesa, Arizona

The Picture Says It All, Dear Reader

Cubicle mate: When he sings “My Corona,” is he talking about his beer? (later, once lyrics are explained) What the hell is a “Sharona,” anyway?

Scarborough
Canadia

…Scientists Say.

Boss on phone: In Atlanta? Shoot, you can't swing a dead cat without hittin' a waffle house.

Landover, Maryland