Exec #1: …Yeah, anybody can own a Louis Vuitton nowadays. You know someone really has money when they can control other people’s time.
Exec #2: Totally.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Archive for September, 2015
Or Are Sunglasses Allowed Now?
Coworker #1: So, I had this dream last night. I was looking at the ceiling, and a rat wearing sunglasses peeked out at me from the air conditioning vent.
Coworker #2, catching the end of the conversation: Was this a dream?
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Despite all my rage…
If I’m Off by Even One Millimeter, We Might Experience Complete Proton Reversal
Boss: Tara, there is a big stack of Christmas cards on your chair. Please put stamps on each one and make sure they are exactly a quarter inch from both the side and the top of the envelope.
Tara, to coworker: Can you bring a ruler over here? I need to put stamps on the Christmas cards.
Old Town
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Glad I’m not the new girl
I’ve Gotten to the Point Where I’ll Swallow Anything.
Old lady #1: She’s on the pill.
Old lady #2: I can eat anything since I’m on the pill.
Old lady #1: Nan’s on the pill too.
Nan: I’m on a lot of pills.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
10AM Print Reports
Engineer: Ah, crap.
Secretary: Whatsamatta?
Engineer: Printer’s giving me an error message.
Secretary: And what does it say?
Engineer: Tray two is empty..
Secretary: Well, then fill it. Reams are right next to it.
Engineer: Yeah, uh, well, which tray is tray two?
Secretary: Gee, I don’t know; maybe the one labeled “two”?
Engineer: Oh, that’s what those numbers mean?
One Penn Plaza
New York, NY
Career Tip: Google These Things, Dear Reader
Coworker: Do you know how many inches are in a yard?
Receptionist: Whose yard?
El Segundo, California
Overheard by: Dave
Every Workplace Sexual Harassment Video, in a Nutshell
Employee to boss: Your compliments feel better than most people’s compliments…
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: chickago
Usher: At Last! Someone Who Needs Me!
Employee handing customer a ticket: Enjoy your movie.
Customer: Where do I go?
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
And Thinking It Was Something You Should Try
Trim female coworker: How was your weekend?
Overweight female coworker: It was okay… Ooh! I thought of you yesterday. I was taking a bath…
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Explain “Important”
Assistant VP: This is an important question I need to ask: Is Britney Spears pregnant again?
Office manager: Uh, yeah.
Assistant VP: Oh, okay. I can’t tell if she just stayed fat after the last one or is pregnant again.
149 West 105th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Last Day on the Job
