Male coworker to another: I woke up this morning and you weren’t there.
7th St
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Phone Slave
Archive for April, 2015
He’s Cheech and Chong’s Pete Best
Assistant manager: Where the hell did you go? I came up front, and a bunch of girls were dragging you out of the store.
Coworker, chuckling: They needed me to show them how to roll a joint.
Assistant manager: I didn’t hear that [walks away].
291 Highway
Liberty, Missouri
Lawyers Can’t Keep Themselves from Following a Line Of Questioning
Office lady #1: What are you bringing tomorrow?
Office lady #2: Muffin tops.
Office lady #1: What are those?
Office lady #3: Uhhhh… the tops of muffins.
Office lady #1: Where from?
Birmingham, Alabama
Two– I Only Count the Happy Years
Coworker #1: So what are you doing this weekend?
Coworker #2: My wife and I are celebrating our 23rd anniversary.
Coworker #1: So how long have you guys been married?
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: huh?
That Explains What Happened to the Chair Cushions in the Conference Room
Coworker #1, after big move: Hey, we’ve got another box empty.
Coworker #2: Great, we can use it for these mystery files until they’ve got somewhere to go.
Coworker #1: Really? Um, I was going to start building a fort with it.
Sheffield
England
One Man’s Prison Cubicle is Another Man’s Castle
HR person: Here’s your office. There are some shelves on order and they should be in next week, so you’ll have to do with the desk and credenza.
New employee: But I thought I was getting a cubicle.
1701 1st Avenue
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: Holly Sparkman
Oh, See, That One Was Way Too Detailed
Employee on phone: And how do you know her? And… how… do… you… know… her?… AND… HOW… what do you mean, “Ask less detailed questions”?
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: prefekt
But It’s That Kind of Go-Get-’em Attitude That Makes It So Hard For Me to Retire
Co-Worker #1: So, your last day is coming up, right?
Co-Worker #2: Yeah, thank God for that.
Co-Worker #1: I wonder who they will replace you with. Maybe the homeless guy on the street. I bet he could do as good as you.
Co-Worker #2: I’m not sure I like your style.
Santa Monica, California
And Your Offspring Will Come Out with Sparkling Teeth
Office worker: To me, Clorox cleans everything. They figure out a way to put Clorox inside a body, and you’ll have a cure for Aids.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: anyabelisle
It’s 5 O’Clock; Do You Know Where Your Mind Is?
Employee #1: What time zone is Maine in?
Employee #2: It’s in our time zone.
Employee #1: OK, so what time is it there right now?
645 Papermill Road
Newark, New Jersey
