President, emerging from bathroom: That smell in the bathroom is equal parts chamomile, lavender, and my poop.
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Archive for March, 2015
I Once Was Lost, but Now Am TBD
24-year-old hotel suit: Excuse me, sir, can I help you find something?
Meeting attendee, wandering around: Yes! Where is room TBD?!
Fancy hotel
Rosemont, Illinois
Overheard by: Jaw dropping in disbelief
And Stick It up His Nose
Lady: What’s his new obsession with cocaine? Is that, like, his new drug of choice or something? ‘Cause I’m telling you, I’m about ready to have this baby just to spite him.
1548 Lee Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Fin
Just People with Bad Hair Making Fun of People with Good Hair
Foreign coworker: What does it mean, ‘nappy-headed hos’?
333 Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Lest the Keepers of the Books Wreak a Terrible Vengeance
Homeless guy #1: Damn! I just got kicked out of the library! Damn!
Homeless guy #2: What did you do, man?
Homeless guy #1: I don’t know. I don’t know.
Homeless guy #2: Aren’t you drunk?
Homeless guy #1: Well, yeah. Also, I might have been looking at dirty pictures on the computer.
Homeless guy #2: Aw, that’s not so bad.
Homeless guy #1: And they said that I was being disrespectful to the librarians.
Homeless guy #2, freaking out: No way, man! You can never, never disrespect the librarians! Always respect librarians! What were you thinking? Are you an idiot?
Outside Boulder Public Library
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Librarian on break
Cat Burglars and Ninjas Have Ruined Blackness For Everyone
Black guy: What would you say if I said I wanted to get a Mystic Tan?
Tanning consultant: Oh, you could. It would give you a nice glow.
Black guy: You’re not even going to discourage me?! I would never get a spray on tan. The blacker you are, the higher people assume your crime rate is.
North 222 Plaza
Reading, Pennsylvania
Oh, Honey
Oblivious sales rep to gay tech: Do you know how lucky you are, the only guy in here with all these women?
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Better Wrap This up, Boys — Mrs. Agnew’s Coming into Heat
Supervisor #1: I mean, humans are the only ones that are supposed to be having interspecies sex, and even then, I don’t think that we should be.
Supervisor #2: Ew.
Supervisor #3: But that’d probably get you promoted here.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Someone Left an Issue of Bitch Magazine in There
Woman #1: Hey!
Woman #2, coming out of the employee restroom: Hey! Oh, I was just thinking about you!
Woman #1: Wait, weren’t you just in the restroom?
Bobst Library, NYU
Well, Some of the Time, Anyway
Office manager: We kinda have a policy we sorta have to follow.
5757 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
