Archive for 2014

They’re Hav­ing Their An­nu­al Gala Next Door

Of­fice liar: The Navy hires very con­ser­v­a­tive peo­ple to cap­tain nu­clear sub­marines.
Male cowork­er: Re­al­ly?
Of­fice liar: Yeah, every nu­clear sub­ma­rine cap­tain I’ve ever met has been very lev­el-head­ed.
Fe­male cowork­er: How many nu­clear sub­ma­rine cap­tains have you met?
Of­fice liar: Hun­dreds!

West Loop
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Or to the Sta­tis­ti­cal­ly In­evitable Di­vorce Cel­e­bra­tion

Cube dweller #1: For my wed­ding the col­ors were black and white. So I took my brides­maids to the dress shop and told them to pick out what­ev­er dress they want­ed. They all end­ed up pick­ing the same one.
Cube dweller #2: Well, that’s nice.
Cube dweller #1: Of course they picked the most ex­pen­sive dress, but I did­n’t have to pay for that part.
Cube dweller #2: And I bet it was a nice brides­maid dress that they could wear again and again.
Cube dweller #3: Yeah, like to a fu­ner­al.

Tal­la­has­see, Flori­da

Over­heard by: eaves­drop­ping cube dweller

Feel Bet­ter Now?

La­dy work­er an­swer­ing phone: Hi Alex*! … I knew it was you be­cause this is a 321* area code, and you work in Boston and it was­n’t your home num­ber… And if it was­n’t you, then I was pre­pared for your boss to be call­ing me telling me you fell off a stool, hit your head, and wound up dead on the floor.

In­di­ana

He’s Prac­tic­ing His Lines for His Book Club Dis­cus­sion

Man in arm­chair, to no one: You’re al­ways fuckin’ start­ing with me. Every morn­ing! [Long pause] And then you start in on the gay thing. I’m not talk­ing to you! You start­ed it, and then you tell me to shut up. You shut up! Al­ways, you start it then tell me to shut up. [Long pause] And you try to tell me I’m sick… Read a god­damn news­pa­per! There’s child porn, and An­na Nicole Smith is dead and they’re fight­ing over her ba­by, and you tell me I’m sick?!

Book store
Greece, New York

Over­heard by: con­fused read­er