Archive for 2014

But God, I Miss Sales!

Em­ploy­ee #1: It on­ly stays smooth like a baby’s bot­tom for about 12 hours.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pret­ty good.

1200 Wood­ward Heights
Fer­n­dale, Michi­gan


Cus­tomer: Can I have one of these items that is in a box?
Em­ploy­ee: Of course [re­trieves item].
Cus­tomer: Can you check to make sure it is­n’t bro­ken?
Em­ploy­ee: No prob­lem! [Cuts tape and opens box.]Customer: Great! Now, can I have one that has­n’t been opened?

670 Uni­ver­si­ty Av­enue
Char­lot­te­town, Prince Ed­ward Is­land

Over­heard by: Shak­ing Head in Dis­be­lief

But You Don’t Have AIDS

Of­fice guy: I have to steal some con­doms from my par­ents. (pause) Wait. Their brand prob­a­bly does­n’t work–they had me.

Man­hat­tan, New York