Com­plain­ing Is Her Car­dio.

Of­fice girl #1: I wish Chi­nese places would de­liv­er around here!
Of­fice girl #2: They do. You have to pay a ser­vice fee but they will bring you food.
Of­fice girl #1: But I don’t live around here, so how does that help me?

Mary­land

Can I Go Home Sick Now?

Ad­vis­ing of­fice ap­pli­cant to in­ter­view­er: Yeah, ad­vi­sors are worth­less.

6001 Dodge Street
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Brandy

You Don’t Have to Be Stu­pid to Work Here, But It Helps

Woman: I thought I was a smart per­son, but no, I’m not.

175 S. Third Street
Colum­bus, Ohio

12PM Prep for Big Meet­ing

Sec­re­tary #1: It looks nice, don’t it?
Sec­re­tary #2: Did you just say, “it looks nice, don’t it?”…Does­n’t it! I’m just try­ing to get us ready for the big­wigs next week!
Sec­re­tary #1: It don’t mat­ter, sweet­ie.

10559 Ci­ta­tion Dri­ve
Brighton, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Abi­gail Fish­er

Af­ter Vi­o­let Be­came a Blue­ber­ry, It Took Years of Plas­tic Surgery to Turn Her White Again

Moth­er to small child: I al­ready spent all of my mon­ey on your face.

Hal­i­fax, No­va Sco­tia
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: beckz

He Keeps Telling Me It’s What Je­sus Would Do

Sales rep #1: So last night I told my hus­band I don’t be­lieve in anal sex.
Sales rep #2: Re­al­ly? How’d that go?
Sales rep #1: Not so good.

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia

He Was Like, “How’d You Know??”

Col­league, typ­ing im­por­tant se­ri­ous e‑mail to client: Ooops! I typed “sor­ry for any in­con­ti­nence!”

Ade­laide
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: PM­SL

It’s Quite Pos­si­ble That Women Have Dirt­i­er Minds Than Men

Fe­male cowork­er: Why do you shake your mus­tard like that?
Male cowork­er: To mix it up re­al good so I don’t get the pre-mus­tard on my sand­wich.
Fe­male cowork­er: I am nev­er eat­ing lunch with you again.

West Lex­ing­ton Street
Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

“Dead­line” Seems Even Worse, Some­how

HR head: So, when’s the, uh…I guess, “drop-dead date” for your ba­by?
Huge­ly preg­nant ad­min: Uh…what? You mean the lat­est date be­fore my doc­tor in­duces?
HR head: Yeah. The drop-dead date.
Huge­ly preg­nant ad­min: Wow.

Phoenix, Ari­zona

His Name Was Ibid.

Cowork­er: I just think young peo­ple don’t have good work eth­nics. (a cou­ple min­utes lat­er) My grand­fa­ther was a very in­ter­est­ing man. I wrote a bib­li­og­ra­phy about him.

Saska­toon
Saskatch­wan
Cana­dia