Archive for 2014

Take This Job and Mc­Shove It

Man­ag­er: You have to keep your col­lar but­toned un­less your un­der­shirt is white. I can see that yours is black.
Cashier: That’s not how we did it be­fore.
Man­ag­er: That was­n’t this Mc­Don­ald’s.

1983 86th Street
Brook­lyn, New York

Pag­ing Don­ald Trump

A bagel left un­at­tend­ed in a mi­crowave sets off the fire alarms. The mi­crowave, charred and smok­ing, is car­ried out­side and is placed on the side­walk.

Fire­man: Is this the ob­ject that start­ed the fire?
Of­fice Work­er: No. When we take a break, it takes a break.

626 Thay­er Road
West Point, New York

4PM Kill An­drew Ridge­ley

HR Man­ag­er: Hey guys, I’m start­ing a new club in the of­fice. Do you want to join?
Em­ploy­ee: Um sure, what kind of club is it?
HR Man­ag­er: It’s a club for peo­ple with Wham!‘s song “Wake Me Up Be­fore You Go-Go” stuck in their heads. Con­grat­u­la­tions, you are all now mem­bers!

85 E Street
South Port­land, Maine

Over­heard by: Bri­an Brine­gar

12PM In­ven­to­ry

Em­ploy­ee: Hey, I have an open hour to­day. Is there any­thing you need?
Su­per­vi­sor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceil­ing tiles broke, and they don’t make that type any­more, and in or­der to get an es­ti­mate re­do­ing all the ceil­ing tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Su­per­vi­sor #2: Yeah…but in the cor­ners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to mea­sure them and fig­ure out what per­cent­age of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an ac­cu­rate as­sess­ment.

30 min­utes go by.

Su­per­vi­sor #1: Are you se­ri­ous­ly count­ing all of those tiles?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.

11161 Mill Val­ley Road
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Bronx­ie