Co-worker: Would you like to receive our free catalog in the mail?
Customer: No speak engliss.
Co-worker: Ha, ha. Oh, that sucks.
Customer: Si.
628 Broadway
New York, NY
Overheard by: Hannah Haddix
Archive for 2014
The Mother of All Office Non-sequiturs
Office drone #1: So I guess birth is the last time when you can fit your entire body through a vagina.
Office drone #2: Huh…
111 Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
I Didn’t Realize the Disgruntled Were So Anal
Employee: I wanted to know where the line for disgruntled employees starts.
HR Secretary: Right behind me.
500 Federal Road
Brookfield, Connecticut
It’s Hard to Pay Attention When You’re Speaking in Glyphs
Co-worker: Okay class, now I will read the dialogue to you and
afterwards ask you questions about it.
He reads the dialogue.
Co-worker: So class, I didn’t actually hear and don’t remember anything that I just said so can someone tell me?
Beijao, Shunde, Foshan
Guang dong, China
Overheard by: lost in translation
Soon, My Friend, Soon…
Female employee: I have to wear shoes with heels because it’s seen as “professional.”
Male employee: You may as well be wearing a burkha.
11 W. 53rd Street
New York, NY
It’s Been a Long Week; Go Home!
Student: How are you doing?
Staff: Nothing much. What’s going on with you?
Student: Fine, thanks.
108 E. Dean Keeton Street
Austin, Texas
Just Take the Window and Make Us All Happy
Employee: I need to go to Accounting. What floor is that on?
Receptionist: It’s on two.
Employee: Is that up or down?
11 West 53 St
New York, NY
That’s About As Funny As I’d Expect a CEO to Get
VP: It’s not working. I can’t get it up. I can’t get it up.
CEO: They make a pill for that now, you know.
28 Crescent Street
Middletown, Connecticut
I Think That’s Some Kind of Wallaby
Guy #1: So my dad was going to complain that they didn’t give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: What’s grievance pay?
Guy #1: Well, you know when a member of your family dies? You get
grievance pay so that you can have the day of the funeral off and the day after. My dad’s pissed ‘cos they won’t give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: Why won’t they pay him?
Guy #1: Because they said his nana’s not part of his intermediate
family.
153 Campbell Street
Bowen Hills, Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Murad
Good Luck Filling That Void
Male co-worker: You might want to take a few lessons on domestication…Life is unfair, and you’re still a woman.
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink