So Are We Going Clubbing Tonight?

Account tech, on two personal calls at once: Sorry, I was distracted by my work…

Peabody Drive
Champaign, Illinois

Any Normal Kid in Boy’s Town

Smoking peon: I was like any normal kid — give me a Butane Torch, and I’m gonna burn everything I can find.

22nd Street and 7th Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Christina

5PM COB

Co-worker #1: Did you see that email [Henry] sent?
Co-worker #2 & #3: Yes.
Co-worker #1: What does he mean by “COB”?
Co-worker #2 & #3: Conclusion of business.
Co-worker #1: Oh, I was hoping it meant “commencement of breakfast.”

10900 Stonelake Boulevard
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: T the Munificent 

Both are Growing Nicely

Co-worker #1: How’s the new baby?
Co-worker #2: She’s doing great thanks!
Co-worker #1: Does she have hair?
Co-worker #2: She’s got tonnes of hair!
Co-worker #1: How about eyes?
Co-worker #2: …Yes, she has eyes…

557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

I Stand Ready to Be Proven Wrong on This

Cube dweller: Nobody ‑not even the lord- can turn a box of toilet paper into wine.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: never a dull moment

And Gently Style It

Female patron in upscale salon: My friends do everything their stylist says to. I’m like, ‘Grow a set, already’!

Springfield, Virginia

Overheard by: James

From My Big Book of Conversation Killers

Peon #1: Mmmm… I love these doughnuts. I could even eat them without the icing, the dough is so soft.
Peon #2: Like your flesh.

Tim Mei Avenue
Hong Kong
China

Better Fellate Than Fellnever, I Suppose

Manager, explaining the loud sucking noises coming from her office: I’m sorry, it’s so big it’s hard not to slurp.

Santa Ana, California

Overheard by: That’s What She Said

I Will Need Additional Information to Arrive at a Decision

Exec: I’ll be right back, so don’t lock me out.
Cleaning lady: If I knew who the hell you were, maybe I’d consider it.
Exec: I’m the reason you have a job.

725 East 40th Street
Holland, Michigan

Overheard by: INTERN

12PM Lunch

BIG bigwig: I had a tunafish sandwich for lunch and all I can smell is tuna. Come here; smell me. Do I smell like tuna?
Smallwig: Nope. I know how you feel though. It just stays with you. Tuna definitely lingers.

Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: so hard not to giggle