Archive for 2012

Oh, Noth­ing… A Lit­tle Anal Rape or What­ev­er

Pa­tient, ly­ing on ex­am ta­ble in the mid­dle of a gy­ne­co­log­i­cal ex­am: Hey, is that my phone ring­ing?
Nurse: Uh, I think so.
Pa­tient: Hand me my pants.
(nurse hands pa­tient her pants)
Pa­tient, tak­ing cell out of pants: Hel­lo? (pause) Oh, noth­ing… What are you up to?

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Vicky

So I On­ly Bought a Cou­ple

Of­fice la­dy: Well, sure I’ve pur­chased meat off the back of a truck, but these guys were sell­ing lob­sters! That’s just weird.

Burling­ton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Um, Why Does It Smell Like Hand Lo­tion?

Cowork­er, de­scrib­ing doc­u­ment sub­mit­ted to him: It’s like a tech­ni­cal de­scrip­tion of mas­tur­ba­tion, with­out the fin­ish.

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Dou­ble-En­try Book­keep­ing Can Get Ug­ly

Ac­coun­tant: Af­ter push­ing re­al­ly hard and screw­ing with it for five min­utes, I asked Sue* if I could cuss now. So, I went up to Liz* and asked “did you get your fuck­ing nuts?“
Ad­min: Did she?
Ac­coun­tant: Yes, Tim* pulled them out with his man hands.

Dal­las, Texas

…I Keep Get­ting Dis­tract­ed by My Af­ter-Work Plans.

Of­fice la­dy: And then you can check your code changes in­to the sup­pos­i­to­ry.
Man­ag­er: “sup­pos­i­to­ry?“
Of­fice la­dy, af­ter blink­ing for a few sec­onds: Oh god, repos­i­to­ry. (pause) The repos­i­to­ry. Ugh.

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

…When You Were Out Of Town

Cowork­er on phone to new hus­band: I put the wash­ing in this morn­ing… Yeah, the tow­els… Yeah, your gym kit… I al­so put the bed­sheets in, as they were a bit spunky af­ter the oth­er night.


Over­heard by: *Head in Hands*