Archive for 2012

As Ye Sew­er, So Shall Ye Leap, I Sup­pose

<b>customer ser­vice rep:</b> okay… I just hit my­self with the bath­room door…
<b>sales manager:</b> you’re just ac­ci­dent prone, aren’t you?
<b>cs:</b> yeah, on a dai­ly ba­sis.
<b>sm:</b> I think my fa­vorite was when you messed up your toe and blamed jane* for leav­ing the fil­ing draw­er open.
<b>cs:</b> that was all jane’s fault! She knows I don’t look down!
<b>sm:</b> did­n’t your par­ents teach you to look where you’re go­ing?
<b>cs:</b> yes, I look ahead of me, in case I walk in­to a tree or some­thing. Why would I look down?
<b>sm:</b> what if you fall down an open man­hole?
<b>cs:</b> where are there man­holes?
<b>sm:</b> I for­got, you did­n’t grow up in brook­lyn. We did­n’t have trees, but we were very con­cerned about open man­holes.

Fort Mill, SC

And All My Sis­ter Wives Agree

cowork­er — that’s re­al­ly mean to say about my mom. Cowork­er #2 — no it’s not about her. I said you look like an in­bred ba­by. I did­n’t say you were in­bred.

Fash­ion Place Blvd Salt Lake City, Utah

Over­heard by: Tay­lor Hun­sak­er

Her Breath Smells Like a Love­ly Slaugh­ter­house

split­ting up the meat in the of­fice??
Boss: Just work it up from the base and squeeze it out.
Sec­re­tary: I know how to work a tube of meat.
Boss: My wife nev­er has a prob­lem work­ing out a roll of ground beef.

Hous­ton, TX

Why Roger Is Banned from Dis­ney World.

i hope he’s not mak­ing chili for the of­fice chili cook-off. Boss to cowork­er “of course the tasti­est mice are the ones you want.”

42 and Dodge Om­a­ha NE

And Salaries

Stream­er: Hm, my pan­do­ra stream is re­al­ly dis­tort­ed for some rea­son. Like band­width or hard­ware is­sues.
Com­mer­cial sales: Oh, heads-up, they switched us to in­ter­net phones, so that’s prob­a­bly why.
Stream­er: Whyyyy, that’s so stu­pid, we al­ready have a phone sys­tem.
Com­mer­cial sales: I know. Be­cause it’s ~the cloud~ like our lame new free on­line fax­es and our new gmail ac­counts and and our google docs.
Stream­er: You know what else is cloud-based? Farts.

601 N Lom­bardy St; Rich­mond, Va

Over­heard by: Cash Ops