Archive for 2012

For Their Adorable Lit­tle Death Bat­tles

Fe­male cowork­er: It’s a ba­by knife.
Per­plexed male cowork­er: It’s a par­ing knife.
Fe­male cowork­er: No, it’s a ba­by knife. For lit­tle ba­bies!!

Chico, Cal­i­for­nia


Pop-Tarts: Ex­plained

Se­nior VP of ad­min­is­tra­tion: Is it weird that I don’t like to see my own poo.
VP of op­er­a­tions: Wrap it in tin foil. That’s what I do.
As­sis­tant to VP of op­er­a­tions: Put it in the toast­er.

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia


Rather Re-Veal­ing

Em­ploy­ee read­ing e‑mail out loud: At least you are con­stant­ly chang­ing your meat. (pause) Oh lord, did I say that out loud?

Itas­ca, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: You sure did!


Are You Try­ing to Sell Me Avon Again?

Cowork­er to an­oth­er: You re­mem­ber how we had that prob­lem where all of our can­cer pa­tients looked like they were dy­ing?

Pitts­burgh, Penn­syl­va­nia


Ac­tu­al­ly, No One; I’m Just Here for the Bud Light

Rep #1: You’d think they’d put them away in the win­ter time.
Rep #2: Put what away?
Rep #1: Those.
Rep #2: The Fer­ris wheels?
Rep #1: Yeah, so they don’t get all wet and snowed on.
Rep #2: Okay, where would you want to put them?
Rep #1, ex­as­per­at­ed: I don’t know; a garage?
Rep #2: Who the hell hired you?

Louisville, Ken­tucky


That Would Be Fore­play

Cowork­er #1: That guy is a re­al butt-lick­er!
Cowork­er #2: He’s a what?
Cowork­er #1: You know, a butt-lick­er. He’s al­ways suck­ing up to man­age­ment.
Cowork­er #2: Do you mean brown noser?

At­lanta, Geor­gia