Archive for 2012

…Hel­lo?…Hel­lo?…Oh, Fuck, I Did It Again.

Boss (to young painter): “why do you al­ways have to get in my face when you talk to me? You wan­na kiss me? Don’t you re­al­ize I could ges­ture wild­ly and un­know­ing­ly knock you un­con­scious?”

Tell City, In­di­ana


…Sir

<b>customer ser­vice rep:</b> you are the dumb­est moth­er­fuck­er I have ever had the dis­plea­sure of hav­ing sex­u­al re­la­tions with!

Fort Mill, SC


Did We Get Mar­ried and No­body Told Me?

<b>controller:</b> I’ll buy drinks if you’re will­ing to swing by the gas sta­tion on the way back. Just so we don’t have to drink city wa­ter with our de­li­cious food.
<b>vp:</b> our wa­ter is fil­tered.
<b>controller:</b> fine what­ev­er I don’t care I hate you!

Fort Mill, SC


Ew, French? Shut Your Dirty Mouth.

Nurse #1: Don’t for­get to stop by the con­fer­ence room and get some pe­dophiles!
Nurse #2: That’s pe­tits fours!

Nurs­ing Home, SC


Was­n’t That a Sesame Street Song?

Cowork­er #1 to oth­er cowork­ers in el­e­va­tor: This el­e­va­tor got stuck with me in it yes­ter­day! I was on­ly stuck for about 30 sec­onds, but it was scary.
Cowork­er #2, cheer­ful­ly: It on­ly takes 30 sec­onds to die!

New­ton, MA

Over­heard by: Hold Me


…Say “Case Of the Mon­days” and Die, Bud­dy

it’s mon­day morn­ing and the lem­mings are mak­ing their way in to their cu­bi­cles…
Em­ploy­ee #1: “how are you?“
Em­ploy­ee #2: “I don’t know yet, but the tra­jec­to­ry is not look­ing good”

Delta, BC


I Think I’ve Seen This James Spad­er Movie…

Sec­re­tary: “you nev­er tell me I’m right. You al­ways have to find some tiny de­tail that’s wrong!“
State’s at­tor­ney: “my job is to make you all feel help­less when I’m not around.”

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice in Chica­go, IL


How Dorothy Knew She Was Still in Kansas

“man, it’s just been on prob­lem af­ter an­oth­er with try­ing to get a fin­ger up this guy’s butt.” — er tech.

med­ical fa­cil­i­ty
small town, kansas