Archive for 2012

How Computers Say 'No'

IT on phone: Are you sure you are plugged into the right site? (pause) That just sounds wrong. It shouldn't make those types of noises upon insertion.

Manhattan, New York


*Crickets*

Woman #1: 2012 is the year of the dragon.
Man #1: My oldest son was born in the year of the rabbit, and my youngest son is a snake.
Woman #2: And I'm a cock!

Richmond, Virginia


You Should See Trick Candles

Secretary: Have you ever watched Mythbusters?
Coworker: Yeah, and you know, I've been thinking about blowing up things a lot lately. My friend just married a pyrotechnic guy.
Secretary: Yeah, you can get hours of entertainment out of that stuff.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Cubicle 2.0


I Blame Oregon

Accountant: I'm headed for the bridge.
Secretary: To jump off?
Accountant: Yep. If you see my shoes, you'll know I'm gone.
Secretary: Why would you take off your shoes?
Accountant: Well, I won't need 'em where I'm going!

Nashville, Tennessee


Seals? Really?

Male coworker: If polar bears can eat 'em, I can wear 'em.

Raleigh, North Carolina


Because He liked 'em cold and limp and unresisting

Coworker to another: For God's sake, man! It's poetry!! You can't take a beautiful, profound, poetic and tender expression about two people sharing the taste of the perineum and analyze it like that! You might as well ask why Romeo didn't bother checking to see if Juliet had a pulse.

Manhattan, New York


What About Some Helicopters?

VP: So, the event is going to be on the USS Constitution in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. The top deck holds about 125 people, and we can't put any people on the lower deck because that's where the cannons are.
Event planner: Where do they land the planes?
VP: What?
Event planner: Isn't it an aircraft carrier?
VP: Um, no.

Los Angeles, California


You Want This Job Or Not?

Trainee: Well, I'll see you Friday
Employee #1: No, I'm off.
Manager: Yeah, me too.
Employee #2: So am I.
Trainee: Whoa, where's the party?
Manager: Your house.

New Milford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Nik


Frankly, I'm a Little Disappointed

Warehouse manager leaving cubicle #1, to cubicle #2: Just so you know, we were not whispering.
Cubicle #2 dweller: I have my headphones on, I don't care what you do.
Warehouse manager: We weren't talking about you either.
Cubicle #2 dweller: It's okay if you were. I get talked about a lot. Was it good?
(warehouse manager ponders)
Cubicle #2 dweller: Not good like positive, but gossip fulfilling?
Warehouse manager: Oh! (pause) It was very positive.
Cubicle #2 dweller: Really? Well. Well, I was not expecting that.

Charlotte, North Carolina