Archive for 2012

How Com­put­ers Say ‘No’

IT on phone: Are you sure you are plugged in­to the right site? (pause) That just sounds wrong. It should­n’t make those types of nois­es up­on in­ser­tion.

Man­hat­tan, New York


Woman #1: 2012 is the year of the drag­on.
Man #1: My old­est son was born in the year of the rab­bit, and my youngest son is a snake.
Woman #2: And I’m a cock!

Rich­mond, Vir­ginia

You Should See Trick Can­dles

Sec­re­tary: Have you ever watched Myth­busters?
Cowork­er: Yeah, and you know, I’ve been think­ing about blow­ing up things a lot late­ly. My friend just mar­ried a py­rotech­nic guy.
Sec­re­tary: Yeah, you can get hours of en­ter­tain­ment out of that stuff.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Cu­bi­cle 2.0

I Blame Ore­gon

Ac­coun­tant: I’m head­ed for the bridge.
Sec­re­tary: To jump off?
Ac­coun­tant: Yep. If you see my shoes, you’ll know I’m gone.
Sec­re­tary: Why would you take off your shoes?
Ac­coun­tant: Well, I won’t need ’em where I’m go­ing!

Nashville, Ten­nessee

Seals? Re­al­ly?

Male cowork­er: If po­lar bears can eat ’em, I can wear ’em.

Raleigh, North Car­oli­na

Be­cause He liked ’em cold and limp and un­re­sist­ing

Cowork­er to an­oth­er: For God’s sake, man! It’s po­et­ry!! You can’t take a beau­ti­ful, pro­found, po­et­ic and ten­der ex­pres­sion about two peo­ple shar­ing the taste of the per­ineum and an­a­lyze it like that! You might as well ask why Romeo did­n’t both­er check­ing to see if Juli­et had a pulse.

Man­hat­tan, New York

What About Some He­li­copters?

VP: So, the event is go­ing to be on the USS Con­sti­tu­tion in Bal­ti­more’s In­ner Har­bor. The top deck holds about 125 peo­ple, and we can’t put any peo­ple on the low­er deck be­cause that’s where the can­nons are.
Event plan­ner: Where do they land the planes?
VP: What?
Event plan­ner: Is­n’t it an air­craft car­ri­er?
VP: Um, no.

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

You Want This Job Or Not?

Trainee: Well, I’ll see you Fri­day
Em­ploy­ee #1: No, I’m off.
Man­ag­er: Yeah, me too.
Em­ploy­ee #2: So am I.
Trainee: Whoa, where’s the par­ty?
Man­ag­er: Your house.

New Mil­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Nik

Frankly, I’m a Lit­tle Dis­ap­point­ed

Ware­house man­ag­er leav­ing cu­bi­cle #1, to cu­bi­cle #2: Just so you know, we were not whis­per­ing.
Cu­bi­cle #2 dweller: I have my head­phones on, I don’t care what you do.
Ware­house man­ag­er: We weren’t talk­ing about you ei­ther.
Cu­bi­cle #2 dweller: It’s okay if you were. I get talked about a lot. Was it good?
(ware­house man­ag­er pon­ders)
Cu­bi­cle #2 dweller: Not good like pos­i­tive, but gos­sip ful­fill­ing?
Ware­house man­ag­er: Oh! (pause) It was very pos­i­tive.
Cu­bi­cle #2 dweller: Re­al­ly? Well. Well, I was not ex­pect­ing that.

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na