Archive for 2012

I’m Sor­ry, There’s No Bert Here.

Suit on phone: May I please speak with Bob? (pause) Bob… Bob… B as in bob, o, b as in bob!

Jer­sey City, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Hobo Whis­per­er


Aw Yeah, Ba­by, I Love My Job!

Man­ag­er: These have to go up to cor­po­rate re­view on the third floor by this af­ter­noon. I’m so sick of tak­ing it up the ass for those guys.
Cowork­er #1: I’ll take it up there for you, boss.
Cowork­er #2: I bet he would.
Cowork­er #3, obliv­i­ous to the sar­casm: I did yes­ter­day.

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: K/Y


Gym Socks and Ran­cid As­para­gus (Um, We’re Guess­ing.)

Cowork­er #1: Have you heard about Ben & Jer­ry’s new fla­vor? Schwed­dy Balls!
Cowork­er #2: Se­ri­ous­ly?! That’s awe­some!
(awk­ward pause)
Cowork­er #3: I won­der what they taste like?

Spokane, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Adamm


Tonight on Fox: When Good Mono­logues Go Bad!

IT guy to sec­re­tary: I’m sure I’ll make some tweaks. I’m a tweak­er. Not in the snort­ing-pow­der kind of way; just in the red-pen kind of way…

Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Bit­ter Bar­ren Spin­ster


…So, to An­swer Your Ques­tion, We’re Open ’til 7.

CSR on phone with cus­tomer: Do you like rab­bits? I have a bun­ny at home, yeah. I think peo­ple call it a bun­ny when it’s like a pet, and a rab­bit would be a wild an­i­mal. Al­though my moth­er has a wild rab­bit as a pet. I think she calls it a rab­bit… mine likes hay.

Keene, New Hamp­shire


Not Any­more, Pal

Cowork­er to an­oth­er: Wait, Bo Derek is a girl?

Madi­son, Wis­con­sin


What? You Said to Do Re­search!

In­tern: His head is­n’t that big in re­al life. It’s like the cam­era adds 10 pounds to Adam Scot­t’s head.

Austin, Texas