Archive for 2012

Your Ed­i­tors Are Lovin’ This

Cus­tomer: Can I get a medi­um vanil­la thick­shake? Thanks.
Cashier: I’m sor­ry, what?
Cus­tomer: Can I get a medi­um vanil­la thick­shake?
Cashier, look­ing con­fus­ed­ly at cash reg­is­ter: What fla­vor?
Cus­tomer: Vanil­la.
Cashier, af­ter long pause: What size?
Cus­tomer: Medi­um, or reg­u­lar, or what­ev­er the mid­dle one is.
Cashier: (looks blankly ahead for a few sec­onds then gets man­ag­er)
Cus­tomer: Fuck­ing hell.



Glob­al VP: If I ever bring in ba­con, you’ll get the hot, flop­py type!

Port­land, Ore­gon

Since No One in Penn­syl­va­nia Has Any Black Friends.

Work­er to cowork­er: Do you want to come to an all-black par­ty on Sat­ur­day.
Cowork­er: Sure.
Work­er: Make sure you bring some friends with you.
Cowork­er: Are you sure? They are all white.
Work­er: What?! It’s an all-black par­ty as in the col­or clothes you need to wear!

Haver­town, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Megan

Why Pen­ny Flunked Out Of Law School.

Ad­min, pick­ing up man­ager’s phone: Hel­lo? Yes, hold on a sec­ond. (puts phone on hold, then to man­ag­er) It’s Patrick, he re­al­ly needs to talk to you.
Man­ag­er: Tell him I am not here.
Ad­min: Hel­lo? She just told me I have to say she’s not here, bye bye!
Man­ag­er: (fu­ri­ous stare)
Ad­min: Whaaat????


Over­heard by: such a long day

In­to Six Slices or Eight?

Over­weight em­ploy­ee: Back away from my piz­za or I’m go­ing to fuck­ing cut you.

New Mil­ford, Con­necti­cut

Over­heard by: Not Hungy Any­more

Aren’t We All, Hon­ey?

As­sis­tant to man­ag­er: Tim! Stop mov­ing! I’m try­ing to get a piece.

Bloom­ing­ton, Illi­nois

…Just Sign Here

Data­base ad­min: Hous­ing… (sigh) I’m go­ing to knife some­one.

Wash­ing­ton, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: IT Guy