Archive for 2012

And All My Sis­ter Wives Agree

cowork­er — that’s re­al­ly mean to say about my mom. Cowork­er #2 — no it’s not about her. I said you look like an in­bred ba­by. I did­n’t say you were in­bred.

Fash­ion Place Blvd Salt Lake City, Utah

Over­heard by: Tay­lor Hun­sak­er

Her Breath Smells Like a Love­ly Slaugh­ter­house

split­ting up the meat in the of­fice??
Boss: Just work it up from the base and squeeze it out.
Sec­re­tary: I know how to work a tube of meat.
Boss: My wife nev­er has a prob­lem work­ing out a roll of ground beef.

Hous­ton, TX

Why Roger Is Banned from Dis­ney World.

i hope he’s not mak­ing chili for the of­fice chili cook-off. Boss to cowork­er “of course the tasti­est mice are the ones you want.”

42 and Dodge Om­a­ha NE

And Salaries

Stream­er: Hm, my pan­do­ra stream is re­al­ly dis­tort­ed for some rea­son. Like band­width or hard­ware is­sues.
Com­mer­cial sales: Oh, heads-up, they switched us to in­ter­net phones, so that’s prob­a­bly why.
Stream­er: Whyyyy, that’s so stu­pid, we al­ready have a phone sys­tem.
Com­mer­cial sales: I know. Be­cause it’s ~the cloud~ like our lame new free on­line fax­es and our new gmail ac­counts and and our google docs.
Stream­er: You know what else is cloud-based? Farts.

601 N Lom­bardy St; Rich­mond, Va

Over­heard by: Cash Ops

Bal­ti­more? He’s Prob­a­bly in Jail.

As­sis­tant #1: Hey, is this guy dead? I went to the site for the uni­ver­si­ty where he works and he’s not men­tioned any­where on it.
As­sis­tant #2: Um… I don’t know. It’s been a while. Maybe he’s re­tired. Or yeah, dead.
As­sis­tant #1: If he’s dead, I don’t have to send him any­thing, right?
As­sis­tant #2: Well, you should prob­a­bly check all the lo­cal obit­u­ar­ies just to be sure.

Bal­ti­more, MD

Are We Mar­ried Now?

male cowork­er sneezes.
Fe­male cowork­er: Bless you.
Male cowork­er: Thank you. Beat.
Male cowork­er: You can bless me any­time.

3501 North­west 63rd Street, OKC

..And Her Moth­er’s Flaky

60-some­thing yr old co-work­er mak­ing a call to the doc­tor’s: Hi, I’d like to make an ap­point­ment for my grand-daugh­ter. She’s 10, just a lit­tle girl, but she says she’s itchy…

Tempe, AZ