Archive for December, 2012

Your Editors Just Got Heartburn

my favorite are crumb doughnuts. They’re doughnuts covered in <em>other doughnuts</em>.

2701 N. sepulveda blvd. Los angeles CA

Her Breath Smells Like a Lovely Slaughterhouse

splitting up the meat in the office??
Boss: Just work it up from the base and squeeze it out.
Secretary: I know how to work a tube of meat.
Boss: My wife never has a problem working out a roll of ground beef.

Houston, TX

Why Roger Is Banned from Disney World.

i hope he’s not making chili for the office chili cook-off. Boss to coworker “of course the tastiest mice are the ones you want.”

42 and Dodge Omaha NE

And Salaries

Streamer: Hm, my pandora stream is really distorted for some reason. Like bandwidth or hardware issues.
Commercial sales: Oh, heads-up, they switched us to internet phones, so that’s probably why.
Streamer: Whyyyy, that’s so stupid, we already have a phone system.
Commercial sales: I know. Because it’s ~the cloud~ like our lame new free online faxes and our new gmail accounts and and our google docs.
Streamer: You know what else is cloud-based? Farts.

601 N Lombardy St; Richmond, Va

Overheard by: Cash Ops

Baltimore? He’s Probably in Jail.

Assistant #1: Hey, is this guy dead? I went to the site for the university where he works and he’s not mentioned anywhere on it.
Assistant #2: Um… I don’t know. It’s been a while. Maybe he’s retired. Or yeah, dead.
Assistant #1: If he’s dead, I don’t have to send him anything, right?
Assistant #2: Well, you should probably check all the local obituaries just to be sure.

Baltimore, MD

Are We Married Now?

male coworker sneezes.
Female coworker: Bless you.
Male coworker: Thank you. Beat.
Male coworker: You can bless me anytime.

3501 Northwest 63rd Street, OKC

..And Her Mother’s Flaky

60-something yr old co-worker making a call to the doctor’s: Hi, I’d like to make an appointment for my grand-daughter. She’s 10, just a little girl, but she says she’s itchy…

Tempe, AZ

Raise Your Hand If You Work With Her

Colleague #1 is leaving the office to go argue against ridiculous policy set by colleague #2:
Colleague #1: “[colleague 2] has been in a weird mood, lately.“
Colleague #3: “weirder than usual?!“
Colleague #1: “yes. Much weirder. … Maybe she’s *happy*…“
Colleague #3: [howling laughing] “well that would be weird.”

Philadelphia, PA

Overheard by: jayvee

Two Girls, One Clap

Female employee (walking over): Hey, *jane? Is that thunder? I’m coming in your personal space.

Marlborough, MA