Male clerk: The wa­ter you boiled is ready. The ket­tle went off a cou­ple min­utes ago.
Fe­male clerk: Oh, that’s okay. It has to cool. My tea pack­et has told me that the wa­ter has to be at 100 de­grees.

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: J. Oliv­er

Ac­coun­tant to ad­min­is­tra­tive as­sis­tant: Hey, is the com­pa­ny van avail­able to­day?
As­sis­tant: Not sure. I’ll check and let you know.
Ac­coun­tant: Well, I re­al­ly need to know now.
As­sis­tant: Then you should have asked soon­er.

Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Lil’

Cowork­er #1: When I die, I def­i­nite­ly want to be cre­mat­ed. I don’t want to wake up in a box!
Cowork­er #2: So you want to wake up on fire?

Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Swedish girl: Dan­ish peo­ple have the worst ac­cent. It’s al­most as bad as Finnish.

Lon­don
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Clare

Sales man­ag­er on phone: Hey, can you send me a bet­ter scan of your dri­vers’ li­cense? I can’t see the pic­ture in this, it’s just black. (pause) Yes, I know you’re black, but I’m sure you have eyes and a nose and a mouth, and I would love to see what those look like.

Fort Mill, South Car­oli­na

Man­ag­er: We should sell you on the black mar­ket.
Ditzy carhop: Is that black peo­ple?

Fes­tus, Mis­souri

Woman yelling in­to phone at IT sup­port per­son: My prob­lem is I do not go out on the in­ter­net!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Old­Pan­da­Dayz

Pe­on #1: How long has it been since the last site vis­it?
Pe­on #2: It’s been sev­er­al hours and 15 days…

Port­land, Ore­gon

Sec­re­tary to sales: Here, feel my clemen­tine.

Mus­tang, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: Or­ange you glad he did­n’t say ba­nana?

Fe­male cowork­er #1: The pack­age has ar­rived!
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Yes! Fi­nal­ly we can get her!
Fe­male cowork­er #1: I’ll hold her down and you shave her legs, okay?
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Yeah! Tonight we’ll do it!
Fe­male cowork­er #3, clue­less: What?

Mi­lan
Italy