Archive for May, 2012

Since No One in Pennsylvania Has Any Black Friends.

Worker to coworker: Do you want to come to an all-black party on Saturday.
Coworker: Sure.
Worker: Make sure you bring some friends with you.
Coworker: Are you sure? They are all white.
Worker: What?! It’s an all-black party as in the color clothes you need to wear!

Havertown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Megan

Why Penny Flunked Out Of Law School.

Admin, picking up manager’s phone: Hello? Yes, hold on a second. (puts phone on hold, then to manager) It’s Patrick, he really needs to talk to you.
Manager: Tell him I am not here.
Admin: Hello? She just told me I have to say she’s not here, bye bye!
Manager: (furious stare)
Admin: Whaaat????


Overheard by: such a long day

Into Six Slices or Eight?

Overweight employee: Back away from my pizza or I’m going to fucking cut you.

New Milford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Not Hungy Anymore

Aren’t We All, Honey?

Assistant to manager: Tim! Stop moving! I’m trying to get a piece.

Bloomington, Illinois

…Just Sign Here

Database admin: Housing… (sigh) I’m going to knife someone.

Washington, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: IT Guy

The Mating Call Of the Research Assistant

Equipment meeting leader: Alright, next on the list is the dishwasher. Randy’s been taking care of that. Does anyone want to take over or should we just leave his name on there?
Dept. head: Who’s Randy?
Scientist #1: Yeah, he took over that job awhile ago.
Scientist #2: Who’s Randy?
Scientist #3, whispering: Isn’t it funny how everyone’s asking “who’s Randy?” Isn’t that sort of a personal question?
Equipment meeting leader: So, okay. We’ll leave his name there. Randy is in charge of the dishwasher.
Dept. head: But who’s Randy? (scattered laughter) Two days later…
Research assistant, coming from dishwasher room: Hey, sorry to interrupt but I have a question. Who’s Randy?

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: facepalm

Tonight’s Movie: I, Robawkward

Employee #1: My knees are clicking! They hurt!
Employee #2: Maybe you should get cyborg knee implants…
Employee #1: When you say that word, all I think of are those one eyed creatures…
Employee #2: Um… You mean cyclops? Okay…

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Robots have two eyes

I Said “No No No!”

Office accountant: Creatives and millennials are going to send me into rehab.

Austin, Texas