CSR: Well, if you want to go around look­ing like a walk­ing as­para­gus…

Waltham, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Jeff

Cus­tomer ser­vice rep #1: You tell that ho to take a nap and stop be­ing a bitch.
Ac­count­ing rep: Oh, stop, she’s not a ho.
Cus­tomer ser­vice rep #1: Oh, no? What oth­er job could she pos­si­bly have if she’s rolling up in­to bed at 3 am?
Fi­nance VP: Work­ing at a re­ceiver’s of­fice!
Cus­tomer ser­vice rep #2: Oh, she be re­ceivin’ al­right…

Fort Mill, South Car­oli­na

CTO to pri­ma­ry in­ves­ti­ga­tor: How do you spell “PhD”?

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Male cowork­er, talk­ing about re­cent trip to San An­to­nio: We want­ed to go to Sea World, but we just did­n’t have time.
Slight­ly ditzy fe­male cowork­er: There’s no Sea World in San An­to­nio.
Male cowork­er: Yes, there is.
Fe­male cowork­er: But San An­to­nio is land­locked!

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice
Wash­ing­ton, DC

Col­lege girl: My mom ate pick­les and peanut but­ter when she was preg­nant!
Col­lege guy: Yeah, and look how you are now!
Col­lege girl: That’s be­cause I stuck a key in an elec­tric sock­et!

South­field, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: that prob­a­bly ex­plains a lot

Crazy gun nut cowork­er to boss: So if a guy comes in­to our of­fice shoot­ing up the place, can I break this win­dow run to my truck and grab my gun and come back in here like a hero guy?

Mis­souri

Over­heard by: clay­ton

CSR to an­oth­er: It’s just that it’s right in the mid­dle of your butt.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Cool but ner­vous man­ag­er on con­fer­ence call to big boss­es: So you are hav­ing trou­ble with those bolts?
Lo­cal man­ag­er: Yes, but we added oil and they worked bet­ter.
Big boss: You are not au­tho­rized to use oil.
Lo­cal man­ag­er: You ever tried to screw a dry hole?
(mo­men­tary si­lence, then loud laugh­ter)
Lo­cal man­ag­er: Oh, shit!

Ar­ling­ton, Texas

Male cowork­er: Want to go to a par­ty lat­er?
Gullible fe­male cowork­er: Re­al­ly? You want me to come to a par­ty with you? Is there a theme?
Male cowork­er: Yes, it’s a “pants par­ty.“
Gullible fe­male cowork­er: That sounds cool… What’s a pants par­ty?
Male cowork­er: It’s a par­ty in my pants, ha­ha.
Gullible fe­male cowork­er: I re­al­ly don’t get it… What time are you go­ing to pick me up?

Lafayette, Cal­i­for­nia

De­sign­er #1 to de­sign­er #2: My wife likes Justin Bieber.
De­sign­er #2, pho­to­shop­ping pic­tures of peo­ple with justin bieber bangs: Want me to bang her?

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana