CSR: Well, if you want to go around looking like a walking asparagus…

Waltham, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Jeff

Customer service rep #1: You tell that ho to take a nap and stop being a bitch.
Accounting rep: Oh, stop, she’s not a ho.
Customer service rep #1: Oh, no? What other job could she possibly have if she’s rolling up into bed at 3 am?
Finance VP: Working at a receiver’s office!
Customer service rep #2: Oh, she be receivin’ alright…

Fort Mill, South Carolina

CTO to primary investigator: How do you spell “PhD”?

Seattle, Washington

Male coworker, talking about recent trip to San Antonio: We wanted to go to Sea World, but we just didn’t have time.
Slightly ditzy female coworker: There’s no Sea World in San Antonio.
Male coworker: Yes, there is.
Female coworker: But San Antonio is landlocked!

Government Office
Washington, DC

College girl: My mom ate pickles and peanut butter when she was pregnant!
College guy: Yeah, and look how you are now!
College girl: That’s because I stuck a key in an electric socket!

Southfield, Michigan

Overheard by: that probably explains a lot

Crazy gun nut coworker to boss: So if a guy comes into our office shooting up the place, can I break this window run to my truck and grab my gun and come back in here like a hero guy?

Missouri

Overheard by: clayton

CSR to another: It’s just that it’s right in the middle of your butt.

Chicago, Illinois

Cool but nervous manager on conference call to big bosses: So you are having trouble with those bolts?
Local manager: Yes, but we added oil and they worked better.
Big boss: You are not authorized to use oil.
Local manager: You ever tried to screw a dry hole?
(momentary silence, then loud laughter)
Local manager: Oh, shit!

Arlington, Texas

Male coworker: Want to go to a party later?
Gullible female coworker: Really? You want me to come to a party with you? Is there a theme?
Male coworker: Yes, it’s a “pants party.“
Gullible female coworker: That sounds cool… What’s a pants party?
Male coworker: It’s a party in my pants, haha.
Gullible female coworker: I really don’t get it… What time are you going to pick me up?

Lafayette, California

Designer #1 to designer #2: My wife likes Justin Bieber.
Designer #2, photoshopping pictures of people with justin bieber bangs: Want me to bang her?

Indianapolis, Indiana