Archive for March, 2012

Speak­ing Of False Economies

Nerd #1: Yeah, this time next year…
Nerd #2: Oh, yeah? You think­ing of pro­cre­at­ing?
Nerd #1: I try every chance I get.
Nerd #2: Nice! You should do it, it’s re­al­ly no big deal.
Nerd #1: Yeah, I mean, I know my life will change a bit, but it’s one of those things that you just have to do.
Nerd #2: Yeah. I guess it’ll be more ex­cit­ing when he’s like… a per­son.
Nerd #1: And can mow your lawn.

Durham, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: still here on a fri­day

Why Jew­el­ry Ex­ists.

Of­fice male: No, you re­mem­ber. It was when we went to The Hamp­tons that sum­mer. Like five years ago.
Of­fice fe­male: We’ve on­ly been dat­ing for three.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Pat­ti

You Al­ways Were, Ed­na. You Al­ways Were.

Con­sti­pat­ed cowork­er, ex­plain­ing to own­er why she was off work for five days: I could­n’t go to the bath­room, so they gave me this med­i­cine. Ha­ha! I guess you could say I re­al­ly am full of shit now!

Shrews­bury, Penn­syl­va­nia

Your Ed­i­tors’ Heads All Just Ex­plod­ed

Staffing em­ploy­ee: Hey, Kurt*, I don’t know if we’re al­lowed to fill this po­si­tion. It in­volves us­ing air guns and “oth­er vi­bra­to­ry tools.” Do you think that’s a re­strict­ed task?
Clue­less boss: I don’t know, you might want to check with risk man­age­ment. I mean, all that vi­brat­ing might cause a prob­lem for your hand.

Fort Laud­erdale, Flori­da

Hap­py Holideath, Every­body!

Fi­nance ed­i­tor: I hate the bub­ble in can­dy canes that pre­vents me from stab­bing some­one.
As­sis­tant, laugh­ing: Feel­ing a tad homi­ci­dal this hol­i­day sea­son?
Fi­nance ed­i­tor: I just like to be able to stab.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Long Dis­tance Learn­er

Every Of­fice Has This Guy.

Man­ag­er at copy ma­chine: Oh. I jammed it. Sor­ry. (walks away with stuff with­out fix­ing)

Marl­bor­ough, Mass­a­chu­setts

…She Al­so Hap­pens to En­joy Lick­ing Vagi­nas.

Male cowork­er: She’s a leslie.
Old­er fe­male cowork­er, sound­ing judgey: Just be­cause she wears a lot of plaid, does­n’t mean she’s a les­bian.
Male cowork­er, sound­ing an­noyed: Her last name is Leeeeesssssleeeeeey.

Marl­bor­ough, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Dawn Eliz­a­beth