Archive for March, 2012

Speaking Of False Economies

Nerd #1: Yeah, this time next year…
Nerd #2: Oh, yeah? You thinking of procreating?
Nerd #1: I try every chance I get.
Nerd #2: Nice! You should do it, it's really no big deal.
Nerd #1: Yeah, I mean, I know my life will change a bit, but it's one of those things that you just have to do.
Nerd #2: Yeah. I guess it'll be more exciting when he's like… a person.
Nerd #1: And can mow your lawn.

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: still here on a friday


Why Jewelry Exists.

Office male: No, you remember. It was when we went to The Hamptons that summer. Like five years ago.
Office female: We've only been dating for three.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Patti


Whatever– It's All Disney to Me

Office guy on phone: We were at this park, and there were gators and alligators… I'm guessing the gators are native to thigh-land.

Middleboro, Massachusetts

Overheard by: mikey


At Least the Sex Was Over Quickly

Coworker #1: I am so tired.
Coworker #2: Why?
Coworker #1: The plowing all night kept me up. It was louder than normal and I wish it didn't last so long.

Woburn, Massachusetts


The Animals Called It That?

Old male doc with English as a second language: Are you married?
20-something woman with UTI: Yes.
Old male doc: Do you have… relationship… in the last 48 hours?
20-something woman: Ah… um… no?
Old male doc: Okay. They used to call this the animal infection.

Doctor's Office
Maryland

Overheard by: Poor girl


You Always Were, Edna. You Always Were.

Constipated coworker, explaining to owner why she was off work for five days: I couldn't go to the bathroom, so they gave me this medicine. Haha! I guess you could say I really am full of shit now!

Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania


Your Editors' Heads All Just Exploded

Staffing employee: Hey, Kurt*, I don't know if we're allowed to fill this position. It involves using air guns and “other vibratory tools.” Do you think that's a restricted task?
Clueless boss: I don't know, you might want to check with risk management. I mean, all that vibrating might cause a problem for your hand.

Fort Lauderdale, Florida


Happy Holideath, Everybody!

Finance editor: I hate the bubble in candy canes that prevents me from stabbing someone.
Assistant, laughing: Feeling a tad homicidal this holiday season?
Finance editor: I just like to be able to stab.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Long Distance Learner


Every Office Has This Guy.

Manager at copy machine: Oh. I jammed it. Sorry. (walks away with stuff without fixing)

Marlborough, Massachusetts