Archive for March, 2012

Speaking Of False Economies

Nerd #1: Yeah, this time next year…
Nerd #2: Oh, yeah? You thinking of procreating?
Nerd #1: I try every chance I get.
Nerd #2: Nice! You should do it, it’s really no big deal.
Nerd #1: Yeah, I mean, I know my life will change a bit, but it’s one of those things that you just have to do.
Nerd #2: Yeah. I guess it’ll be more exciting when he’s like… a person.
Nerd #1: And can mow your lawn.

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: still here on a friday

Why Jewelry Exists.

Office male: No, you remember. It was when we went to The Hamptons that summer. Like five years ago.
Office female: We’ve only been dating for three.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Patti

You Always Were, Edna. You Always Were.

Constipated coworker, explaining to owner why she was off work for five days: I couldn’t go to the bathroom, so they gave me this medicine. Haha! I guess you could say I really am full of shit now!

Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania

Your Editors’ Heads All Just Exploded

Staffing employee: Hey, Kurt*, I don’t know if we’re allowed to fill this position. It involves using air guns and “other vibratory tools.” Do you think that’s a restricted task?
Clueless boss: I don’t know, you might want to check with risk management. I mean, all that vibrating might cause a problem for your hand.

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Happy Holideath, Everybody!

Finance editor: I hate the bubble in candy canes that prevents me from stabbing someone.
Assistant, laughing: Feeling a tad homicidal this holiday season?
Finance editor: I just like to be able to stab.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Long Distance Learner

Every Office Has This Guy.

Manager at copy machine: Oh. I jammed it. Sorry. (walks away with stuff without fixing)

Marlborough, Massachusetts

…She Also Happens to Enjoy Licking Vaginas.

Male coworker: She’s a leslie.
Older female coworker, sounding judgey: Just because she wears a lot of plaid, doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.
Male coworker, sounding annoyed: Her last name is Leeeeesssssleeeeeey.

Marlborough, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dawn Elizabeth