Singing cowork­er: I feel shit­ty! Oh so shit­ty!
Cowork­er who shares of­fice wall: I don’t think that’s how it goes.

Bak­ers­field, Cal­i­for­nia

Mar­ket­ing as­sis­tant: If I had a dog that small I’d build him a para­chute and see if he could fly.

Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: In­no­cent by­stander

Man­ag­er: Hey! How did the re­stroom go yes­ter­day?

Mid­dle­boro, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: MC

Pa­tient, ly­ing on ex­am ta­ble in the mid­dle of a gy­ne­co­log­i­cal ex­am: Hey, is that my phone ring­ing?
Nurse: Uh, I think so.
Pa­tient: Hand me my pants.
(nurse hands pa­tient her pants)
Pa­tient, tak­ing cell out of pants: Hel­lo? (pause) Oh, noth­ing… What are you up to?

Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Vicky

Of­fice la­dy: Well, sure I’ve pur­chased meat off the back of a truck, but these guys were sell­ing lob­sters! That’s just weird.

Burling­ton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Ad­min to IT: I had to sharpie out my pri­vate parts.

Port­land, Ore­gon

Sales­girl: No­body likes nuts in their face!

Over­land Park, Kansas

Cowork­er #1: Her shoes are so loud! They’re an­noy­ing the crap out of me.
Cowork­er #2: Every­thing at­tached to those shoes an­noys me.

Spring­field, Mass­a­chu­setts

Ac­coun­tant: Af­ter push­ing re­al­ly hard and screw­ing with it for five min­utes, I asked Sue* if I could cuss now. So, I went up to Liz* and asked “did you get your fuck­ing nuts?“
Ad­min: Did she?
Ac­coun­tant: Yes, Tim* pulled them out with his man hands.

Dal­las, Texas

Boss, about re­cent meet­ing: I don’t think any­body has any­body else by the balls.

Las Col­i­nas, Texas