Archive for 2011

And the Elves Who As­sem­bled It in Their Hol­low Fac­tree

En­gi­neer: It’s a mi­ni key­board. I have a com­put­er hooked up to my tv so I can browse the in­ter­net and watch p… movies.
Man­ag­er, laugh­ing: I heard the “p.“
Sales­girl: Wait, so you lay in bed and play with it?
Man­ag­er: Ac­tu­al­ly, yes, that’s ex­act­ly what he was say­ing.
Sales girl: Oh, can I touch it?
En­gi­neer: On­ly me and the FedEx dri­ver have touched it.

New York, New York

When Freudi­an Ther­a­pists Trav­el

Tourist: Ex­cuse me, do you know where Ran­dal­l’s log cab­ins is lo­cat­ed?
Lo­cal clerk: Ran­dal­l’s log cab­ins?
Tourist: Yes, do you know where they are lo­cat­ed?
Lo­cal clerk: Where they are lo­cat­ed?
Tourist: Yes, they are some­where in this area.
Lo­cal clerk: In this area?
Tourist: Yes, do you know where they are?
Lo­cal clerk:Do I know where they are?
Tourist: Yes, Ran­dal­l’s log cab­ins, I need di­rec­tions to it.
Lo­cal clerk: You need di­rec­tions?
Tourist: How about a map, do you have a map of this area?
Lo­cal clerk: Do I have a map of this area?

Pi­geon Forge, Ten­nessee

Over­heard by: jocko james

Raise Your Hand If You’re Cu­ri­ous About the Jam In­ci­dent

Puz­zled IT work­er hold­ing tor­tilla in one hand and piece of raw cod in the oth­er: So what you’re say­ing is that this is­n’t sushi?
Cowork­er: It’s not sushi.
IT work­er: But it’s raw fish!
Cowork­er: Well, sushi is a spe­cial kind of way of prepar­ing it. That’s just a piece of cod you bought from the fish­mon­gers, wrapped in a tor­tilla.
IT work­er: So… I should­n’t eat it?
Cowork­er: No… This is like the jam in­ci­dent, is­n’t it?
IT work­er: Fuck you! Jam is healthy–there’s bloody fruit in it!
Cowork­er: And you won­der why you’re sin­gle…

Leam­ing­ton Spa

Over­heard by: Bleep