Archive for 2011

Tem­po­rary Park­ing, That Is

Drone #1: Rock ass! No more work for [clien­t’s name].
Drone #2: That news has no ef­fect on the rock­ing of my ass… al­though, to be fair, it’s im­pos­si­ble to stop the rock­ing of my ass.
Drone #1: I rarely re­fer to your ass when I use “ass” in the stand­alone con­text un­less I’m specif­i­cal­ly talk­ing about a park­ing lo­ca­tion for gay cock.

Chica­go
Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Anony Mouse.


Free Pep­si Shit!

Cowork­er #1: Gak.
Cowork­er #2: The sound you just made was the same sound my dog Rocky makes when he’s about to ralph-up grass.
Cowork­er #1: Dude, I al­most just died by Frito-lay.

Shel­don, Iowa


Every­body Loves Michael Stra­han

Straight em­ploy­ee #1: I like these col­ored toot­sie rolls.
Gay em­ploy­ee #1: I like brown toot­sie rolls.
Gay em­ploy­ee #2: I like brown toot­sie rolls too.
(laugh­ter heard by all in of­fice)
Gay em­ploy­ee #1: What’s wrong with en­joy­ing the taste of a brown log?

Rac­coon, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: Dan


What­ev­er He Is, He Did­n’t Get In­to Med School

Slight­ed in­struc­tor-in-train­ing, not be­ing in­ter­viewed: Why did­n’t they choose me? They shoul­da been in­ter­view­ing me. I’ve been here for like six years. I’m a gen­er­al of this sail­ing cen­ter, a re­al vet­eri­nar­i­an of the place. I know what I’m talk­ing about!

Har­bor
Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Why do I still work with dumb kids?


It Comes Back Out as Food

Serv­er #1, leav­ing em­ploy­ee bath­room: It’s all yours, bud­dy.
Serv­er #2, en­ter­ing em­ploy­ee bath­room: Oh my God, that’s what it smells like if you eat shit and then poop it out the next day.

In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du


I Feel Like Run­ning

Of­fice man­ag­er: Hey, do you have a sharp pair of scis­sors?

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na