Archive for 2011

Humanity, in a Nutshell.

Australian guy: Yep. And then there are the guys that wanna blow-dry their balls.

Outside Fitness First

Overheard by: Sophie

Someone's Seen Top Gun One Too Many Times.

Employee: So did you guys have a good time yesterday?
Visiting employee: Yes, it was great. But at the end your boss tried to kill me, she took me to this insanely dangerous place with all these signs saying, “falling will result in injury or drowning”. Not 'may' result in injury or drowning, 'will' result in injury or drowning! I've never seen a warning sign like that before!
Employee: Of course she did.
Boss: But you have to admit it is an incredibly interesting and beautiful place.
Employee: I suppose she told you that it really wasn't that dangerous.
Boss, indignantly: No, I didn't! I told him *exactly* how dangerous it is! It's just that I don't care.

Seattle, Washington

Raise Your Hand If You'd Look

Elderly but sexy office lady: Would you like to see my corset?
VP: No! I don't want to see your corset!
Elderly office lady: But why not?
VP: That would be totally inappropriate. We don't do that around here.
Elderly office lady: Well, we don't have to tell anyone about it.

Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Not the receptionist

I'm a Boy, Ma'am.

Receptionist to manager: You have a stump in your dinghy!

Rockland, Maine

Meet the Coolest Chick in the Office.

Woman on phone with colleague: You know how I always like to put my feet in the toilet because they're hot? Well, I thought about doing it here.

Manhattan, New York

Notify the Vatican Immediately!

Cube neighbor on phone with IT help desk: I turned off my pc last night and I turned it on this morning and the screen is black, nothing is showing up.
IT: Is your monitor on?
Cube neighbor: Yes.
IT: Turn it off.
Cube neighbor: Oh, wow, it just started working! I wonder what happened?

Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Lady L

…According to That Doctor's Powerpoint Presentation.

90-something man #1: I'm taking care of myself, I've been eating Lean Cuisine.
90-something man #2: You've got a worse heart than a girl who went in to prostitution at age six.

Leesburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Wait, what?