Archive for 2011

Shhh! I Want To Get an Edge on the Com­pe­ti­tion

Male cowork­er: You want to split this with me?
Fe­male cowork­er: No, I can’t. I’m fast­ing this week.
Male cowork­er: Oh, you mean prac­tic­ing your anorex­ia?
Fe­male cowork­er: Um… yes.

Port­land, Ore­gon

Over­heard by: cu­a­tros

He Got Used to That in Prison

Em­ploy­ee #1: So your hus­band got moved to a new pen­i­ten­tiary?
Man­ag­er: Very fun­ny. He’s been out for sev­er­al years. He’s a great guy, I love him a lot.
Em­ploy­ee #1: We know you do. (rais­es eye­brow)
Em­ploy­ee #2: What? How?
Em­ploy­ee #1: She told us yes­ter­day that she likes to wake her hus­band up with blowjobs.
Man­ag­er: How else did you think I woke him up?


It’s Too Late for Me. So Run! Run as Fast as You Can!

La­dy cus­tomer: Ex­cuse me, I’m look­ing for stack­able plas­tic draw­ers and they’re not in the home or­ga­ni­za­tion sec­tion.
Ikea em­ploy­ee, stand­ing next to man­ag­er: Oh, we don’t re­al­ly have those, but we DO have these oth­er things that might work for you… (man­ag­er walks away) Yeah, we don’t have ’em. Go to Tar­get.

Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: LC

At the Trou­ble Brew­ing Com­pa­ny

Fe­male cowork­er #1: I want a ba­by with a hap­py tem­pera­ment. With my luck, he’ll pro­l­ly be all ir­ri­ta­ble all the time.
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Well, if he’s any­thing like you he’ll be ir­ri­ta­ble. You should find a very hap­py hus­band.
Fe­male cowork­er #1: He’ll be mar­ried to me, of course he’ll be hap­py.
Male cowork­er: I feel sor­ry for the guy that mar­ries you. Shit, I did­n’t mean to say that out loud.

Chica­go, Illi­nois