Archive for 2011

Your Ed­i­tors All Vote With Em­ploy­ee #1

Em­ploy­ee #1: Ya know what’s a fun­ny word? “Vagi­na.“
Em­ploy­ee #2: Um… Why?
Em­ploy­ee #1: Well, be­cause noth­ing rhymes with it. (pause) Well… Ex­cept Aunt Jemi­ma. (pause) But that’s more of a name.
Em­ploy­ee #2: No, I meant why are you even telling me this?

Den­ver, Col­orado

Over­heard by: Not be­ing pro­duc­tive at work today…obviously

Best. Par­ent. Ever.

Cowork­er on phone: Are you sit­ting down? Okay… I need you to un­der­stand you do not feed dog food to your sis­ter. What you did was not okay. Your pun­ish­ment is no iPod, no com­put­er, no tele­vi­sion, you are ground­ed to your room. You love to write, right? Well, I want you to go to your room and write a sto­ry of two sis­ters who love each oth­er, but one sis­ter was mean and tricked her sis­ter in­to eat­ing dog food. This sis­ter must apol­o­gize to her sis­ter that she tricked, and to mom and dad. You will read this sto­ry aloud.

Sil­i­con Val­ley
Cal­i­for­nia

When You Know an Em­ploy­ee Needs to Go to Porn Re­hab

Cowork­er: What are you wear­ing to­mor­row?
Project man­ag­er: Oh, like for the trip?
Cowork­er: You should wear some­thing re­al­ly low-cut. It’s gonna be a bunch of men. You need an edge.
Project man­ag­er: It’s a group of like twen­ty women. All of them are women.
Cowork­er: Do you know if any of them are gay?

Man­hat­tan, New York