Archive for 2011

Poor Mel Gibson

Employee #1: This old fart is so devious and evil that if you lock him up alone in the room he would curse his own self.
Employee #2: Shit, if he was the only person left on this earth he would start building conspiracies with his own balls, trying to antagonize his lefty against the righty.

Winchester, Virginia

…What's Gonna Happen to My Gmail Account?

Student girl #1: Did you know the government is shutting down?
Student girl #2: I don't pay attention to politics.
Student girl #1: I heard about it on Facebook. They owe, like, billions of dollars. And now, like, if you're a mailman, you're not gonna get paid.
Student girl #2: Man, that sucks.

Loyola University
Maryland

Overheard by: How the hell did they get into this school?!

…And You're Totally Ruining My Buzz.

Claims adjuster: Sir, insurance companies just don't work like that. (pause) We can't let the body shop do whatever they want. They have to follow an estimate. (pause) Sir. (pause) Well, didn't you just say the shop was full of liars and druggies? (pause) Sir, I'm trying to help you get your car fixed, but you keep calling us druggies and saying that god is going to smite us.

Brentwood, Tennessee

Overheard by: I shouldn't have skipped church yesterday