Archive for 2011

Gregor Samsa's Daughter Suffers from Low Self-Esteem

Office lady #1: As soon as you put out cookies or candy or whatever, people around here descend on it. They're like cockroaches.
Office lady #2, eating free candy: Oh, thank you very much! I'm a cockroach, am I?
Office lady #1: Fine. It's like magic, okay?
Office lady #2: Magical cockroaches?
Office lady #1: Magical cockroaches.
Office lady #2: Well, it's good to know that at least I'm a magical cockroach.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Rose Fox

No Makeup Sex in the Conference Room, Guys

Steve*, loudly to Tim* in conference room with door shut: That's how we are. We're like an old married couple… I don't talk to my wife anymore, so I have to talk to you.
Worker #1: It sounds like Steve* is getting worked up in there!
Worker #2: It sounds like Steve* and Tim* might be getting a divorce!

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: It happens to 50% of coworkers

We'll Need a Detailed Written Account Of Those Things, Sir

Boss on phone: Hey, uh, I booked a vacation with you guys and pre-paid and everything, and uh, well, (pause) I don't really know how to say this, but uh, I did some things… You know, uh-uh-uh, things you do when you are on vacation, uh-uh-uh-uh-uh… and… uh, well I overslept and missed my flight back home, so I had to buy another airline ticket and want to know if I can get some of my money back.

Richmond, Virginia

Uh-Oh, Mrs. Hernandez Just Keeled Over Again

Coworker #1: I don't get why everyone's so upset about Mexicans coming into the US. I mean, they're already part of the country.
Coworker #2: Say what now?
Coworker #1: Mexico's part of the US, isn't it?
Coworker #2: Yeah, if by “part of the US” you mean a whole other friggin country.

Nursing Home
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: ah the future of america