Archive for 2011

You Got That Straight.

Pa­tient: So my braces are com­ing off in two months?
Or­tho­don­tist: Yes, pro­vid­ed your ac­count is paid in full.
Pa­tient: What the fuck? You’re hold­ing my teeth hostage?

Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na


French Cana­di­ans Aren’t Body-Shy at All

French-cana­di­an la­dy, en­ter­ing build­ing wear­ing bulky win­ter gear: Hi, Jean-fran­cois.
Jean-fran­cois: Oh! Hi Marie-claude, I did­n’t rec­og­nize you with your clothes on.

Ot­tawa
Cana­dia


Is This Quote More or Less Creepy If She’s Talk­ing to Her Hus­band? Dis­cuss.

An­noy­ing cowork­er on the phone with 9‑­month-old son in ex­treme­ly loud, high-pitched tone:
Hi­i­i­ii!!! Babeeee!!! Baaaaabbbbeeeee!!! John­ny! John­ny? Hi, baaaabbeeee!!! (pause) Baaabbeee??? Hi! Are you be­ing a good boy? Johnnnnnnnyyyy!!! Babeeee! (even­tu­al­ly hangs up when ba­by dis­con­nects the phone)

Sacra­men­to, Cal­i­for­nia


Cru­elest. Prac­ti­cal Joke. Ever!

Slim cowork­er: Yo, there’s a guy hand­ing out free tacos out­side!
Obese cowork­er: No way! How are they?
Slim cowork­er: I did­n’t have any, I had just fin­ished eat­ing when I saw the guy.
Obese cowork­er: I don’t get it. What part of “free” and “tacos” don’t you un­der­stand? (runs out to see if taco guy is still there)

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Jame­sie Isms


In Stark Con­trast to Your Ba­by Car­rot

Ad­vi­sor: You should see the size of my ba­nana!
As­sis­tant: I don’t think I want to…
Ad­vi­sor: But it’s so big!
As­sis­tant: Oh! You’re right, it’s huge!

Belle­vue, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: sex­u­al­ly har­rassed