Archive for 2011

What We Think: We Think This Was Script­ed

COO, meet­ing col­leagues at garage: I talked to the tech and he said the hous­ings are leak­ing.
Sales VP: Yeah, Rob’s pissed be­cause he says our in­stall was bad.
COO: We’re go­ing to have to get some­one to re-seal all of that batch.
Sales VP: Which we can’t bill for. We’re go­ing to take this one up the ass.
CEO: I’m think­ing about get­ting a new tailpipe. What do you guys think?


Why the In­tern’s an In­tern and the VP’s a VP

In­tern: Have you heard about that weed store, the Cannabis Club?
Para­le­gal: No.
In­tern: Yeah, man, they have every type of food, just made with weed. Re­al heavy stuff, for peo­ple with can­cer. You got­ta have a card or some­thing to be a mem­ber.
Para­le­gal: Oh yeah?
In­tern: Yeah, but I say if you’re go­ing to be a ston­er, don’t be a wuss and not ac­tu­al­ly smoke.
VP, walk­ing in: Wait, the Cannabis Club, is­n’t that in Or­ange Coun­ty?

En­ci­no, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: I need a mem­ber­ship too

You Ain’t Nev­er Been to Bagdhad Un­til You’ve Seen It from the Sub­urbs

Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, we are fuck­ing up this War! He’s killin all those peo­ple in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, what do you know about Afghanistan and Iraq?
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I know we are de­stroyin’ they coun­try and we killin’ all their peo­ple!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard, yelling: MAN, YOU EVER BEEN TO IRAQ? YOU EVER BEEN TO AFGHANISTAN? I HAVE!
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I been there!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, you ain’t nev­er been out­ta the city!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Bri­an


Over­worked ad­min­is­tra­tor: I mean, not do­ing your job *and* be­ing ug­ly on top of it is two of­fens­es.

Nashville, Ten­nessee