Cu­bi­cle neigh­bor on phone: I’ll hold this and you just poke your balls in that hole and lets see what hap­pens.

Dothan, Al­aba­ma

Over­heard by: Too Close for com­fort co-work­er

Cube dweller: I’ve just seen Chew­bac­ca. Se­ri­ous­ly!

Mon­tre­al
Cana­dia

Guy re­plac­ing re­cep­tion­ist: We should get a blow-up doll for the desk…
Man­ag­er: I wish we could.
(re­cep­tion­ist starts laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly)
Guy re­plac­ing re­cep­tion­ist: I did­n’t even mean it like that!

Austin, Texas

Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, we are fuck­ing up this War! He’s killin all those peo­ple in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, what do you know about Afghanistan and Iraq?
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I know we are de­stroyin’ they coun­try and we killin’ all their peo­ple!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard, yelling: MAN, YOU EVER BEEN TO IRAQ? YOU EVER BEEN TO AFGHANISTAN? I HAVE!
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I been there!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, you ain’t nev­er been out­ta the city!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Bri­an

Pro­gram­mer on phone: I strug­gle with the dif­fer­ence be­tween log­i­cal and phys­i­cal.

Chat­tanooga, Ten­nessee

Man­ag­er: Gross. Not on­ly were you gar­gling, you were gar­gling with tu­na.

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: of­fice nin­ja

Over­worked ad­min­is­tra­tor: I mean, not do­ing your job *and* be­ing ug­ly on top of it is two of­fens­es.

Nashville, Ten­nessee

Sys­tems en­gi­neer: I am afraid it’s go­ing to die be­fore I can kill it.

Waltham, Mass­a­chu­setts

Chris­t­ian col­league: You’re a good Chris­t­ian. Wait, is Jew­ish Chris­t­ian?
Jew­ish col­league: No.
Chris­t­ian col­league: Well, you’re a good per­son.

Cher­ry Hill, New Jer­sey

Cowork­er #1: You don’t know who Bud­dy Hol­ly is?
Cowork­er #2: No.
Cowork­er #1: “Pret­ty Woman”?
Cowork­er #2: I thought that was Richard Gere.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton