Archive for December, 2011

You Ain’t Nev­er Been to Bagdhad Un­til You’ve Seen It from the Sub­urbs

Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, we are fuck­ing up this War! He’s killin all those peo­ple in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, what do you know about Afghanistan and Iraq?
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I know we are de­stroyin’ they coun­try and we killin’ all their peo­ple!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard, yelling: MAN, YOU EVER BEEN TO IRAQ? YOU EVER BEEN TO AFGHANISTAN? I HAVE!
Lib­er­al Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: I been there!
Con­ser­v­a­tive Se­cu­ri­ty Guard: Man, you ain’t nev­er been out­ta the city!

Wash­ing­ton, DC

Over­heard by: Bri­an


…Sen­a­tor

Over­worked ad­min­is­tra­tor: I mean, not do­ing your job *and* be­ing ug­ly on top of it is two of­fens­es.

Nashville, Ten­nessee


Stu­pid Di­ver­si­ty

Chris­t­ian col­league: You’re a good Chris­t­ian. Wait, is Jew­ish Chris­t­ian?
Jew­ish col­league: No.
Chris­t­ian col­league: Well, you’re a good per­son.

Cher­ry Hill, New Jer­sey


I Thought Bud­dy Hol­ly Was Weez­er?

Cowork­er #1: You don’t know who Bud­dy Hol­ly is?
Cowork­er #2: No.
Cowork­er #1: “Pret­ty Woman”?
Cowork­er #2: I thought that was Richard Gere.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton