Archive for December, 2011

Temporary Parking, That Is

Drone #1: Rock ass! No more work for [client's name].
Drone #2: That news has no effect on the rocking of my ass… although, to be fair, it's impossible to stop the rocking of my ass.
Drone #1: I rarely refer to your ass when I use “ass” in the standalone context unless I'm specifically talking about a parking location for gay cock.


Overheard by: Anony Mouse.

Free Pepsi Shit!

Coworker #1: Gak.
Coworker #2: The sound you just made was the same sound my dog Rocky makes when he's about to ralph-up grass.
Coworker #1: Dude, I almost just died by Frito-lay.

Sheldon, Iowa

Everybody Loves Michael Strahan

Straight employee #1: I like these colored tootsie rolls.
Gay employee #1: I like brown tootsie rolls.
Gay employee #2: I like brown tootsie rolls too.
(laughter heard by all in office)
Gay employee #1: What's wrong with enjoying the taste of a brown log?

Raccoon, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Dan

Whatever He Is, He Didn't Get Into Med School

Slighted instructor-in-training, not being interviewed: Why didn't they choose me? They shoulda been interviewing me. I've been here for like six years. I'm a general of this sailing center, a real veterinarian of the place. I know what I'm talking about!

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Why do I still work with dumb kids?

It Comes Back Out as Food

Server #1, leaving employee bathroom: It's all yours, buddy.
Server #2, entering employee bathroom: Oh my God, that's what it smells like if you eat shit and then poop it out the next day.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

I Feel Like Running

Office manager: Hey, do you have a sharp pair of scissors?

Charlotte, North Carolina