Archive for November, 2011

Might Be Some ‘Roids, Though

Office guy #1: There is no “i” in team.
Office guy #2, impersonating Barry Bonds: There is no “team” in Barry.

San Jose, California

Like Gandalf’s Sleeve

Student Worker #1: Remember the time Daniel* slept with a 38-year-old woman?
Student Worker #2: How old were you?
Daniel*: 20-ish
Student Worker #1: Wasn’t that really… well, flappy and loose?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Miss Mandy

The Witness Is Instructed to Answer the Question

Coworker #1: So we have to guess the celebrity you saw?
Coworker #2: He already told me.
Sales guy: I haven’t seen any of the movies he’s in…
Coworker #2: You haven’t? I’ve seen one.
Coworker #1: Okay, tell me just one of the movies.
Sales guy: Have you seen the animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Coworker #1: What! (pause) Ugh… Okay, okay… Wait, have YOU seen this animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Sales guy: Well, I’m asking YOU if YOU’VE seen it.
Coworker#1: This is madness.…

Charlotte, North Carolina

He’s Still on Hold

Coworker: I kept waiting for him to hang up on me. I gave him several opportunities.

North Dakota

Shhh! I Want To Get an Edge on the Competition

Male coworker: You want to split this with me?
Female coworker: No, I can’t. I’m fasting this week.
Male coworker: Oh, you mean practicing your anorexia?
Female coworker: Um… yes.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: cuatros

He Got Used to That in Prison

Employee #1: So your husband got moved to a new penitentiary?
Manager: Very funny. He’s been out for several years. He’s a great guy, I love him a lot.
Employee #1: We know you do. (raises eyebrow)
Employee #2: What? How?
Employee #1: She told us yesterday that she likes to wake her husband up with blowjobs.
Manager: How else did you think I woke him up?