Telemarketer offering chiropractic visits: No sir, we’re not selling sexual favors, and I don’t think they’re included in your visit.
Pomona, New York
Overheard by: needs a new job
Archive for November, 2011
Might Be Some ‘Roids, Though
Office guy #1: There is no “i” in team.
Office guy #2, impersonating Barry Bonds: There is no “team” in Barry.
San Jose, California
He Stayed Where We Put Him and Nobody New Died
Guy going up elevator, after several passed floors of silence: And they did have an open casket funeral.
Girl: How’d that go?
Guy: Okay, I guess.
Pasadena, California
That’s Only One of the Things It Means to Them
PR specialist: You know what I love about the gays? “Brunch” for them means 2 pm.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Stacey
Like Gandalf’s Sleeve
Student Worker #1: Remember the time Daniel* slept with a 38-year-old woman?
Student Worker #2: How old were you?
Daniel*: 20-ish
Student Worker #1: Wasn’t that really… well, flappy and loose?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Miss Mandy
The Witness Is Instructed to Answer the Question
Coworker #1: So we have to guess the celebrity you saw?
Coworker #2: He already told me.
Sales guy: I haven’t seen any of the movies he’s in…
Coworker #2: You haven’t? I’ve seen one.
Coworker #1: Okay, tell me just one of the movies.
Sales guy: Have you seen the animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Coworker #1: What! (pause) Ugh… Okay, okay… Wait, have YOU seen this animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Sales guy: Well, I’m asking YOU if YOU’VE seen it.
Coworker#1: This is madness.…
Charlotte, North Carolina
He’s Still on Hold
Coworker: I kept waiting for him to hang up on me. I gave him several opportunities.
North Dakota
Would You Staple Cats onto Dogs and Mail Them to New Jersey?
Coworker #1: 75 dollars?! for two hours?
Coworker #2: I’d do almost anything for 75 bucks if it only took two hours.
Brookfield, Wisconsin
Shhh! I Want To Get an Edge on the Competition
Male coworker: You want to split this with me?
Female coworker: No, I can’t. I’m fasting this week.
Male coworker: Oh, you mean practicing your anorexia?
Female coworker: Um… yes.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: cuatros
He Got Used to That in Prison
Employee #1: So your husband got moved to a new penitentiary?
Manager: Very funny. He’s been out for several years. He’s a great guy, I love him a lot.
Employee #1: We know you do. (raises eyebrow)
Employee #2: What? How?
Employee #1: She told us yesterday that she likes to wake her husband up with blowjobs.
Manager: How else did you think I woke him up?
McDonald’s
Connecticut
