Archive for November, 2011

You Don't See Eastern European Women Banging into Tables

Coworker #1, after banging into side of table while rounding the corner: You know what, if I had whiskers, I wouldn't have this problem. Cats have whiskers and that's how they know they can fit into somewhere. They use it to balance. If I had whiskers, I would know if I could fit around this space and not bang into anything! My cats have balance. Whiskers would make me balanced.
Coworker #2, laughing: Yeah, whiskers would solve the problem.

Manhattan, New York


Might Be Some 'Roids, Though

Office guy #1: There is no “i” in team.
Office guy #2, impersonating Barry Bonds: There is no “team” in Barry.

San Jose, California


Like Gandalf's Sleeve

Student Worker #1: Remember the time Daniel* slept with a 38-year-old woman?
Student Worker #2: How old were you?
Daniel*: 20-ish
Student Worker #1: Wasn't that really… well, flappy and loose?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Miss Mandy


You Might Feel Cooler Without the Mustache

Female Medical Records clerk, in thick German accent: It's so fucking hot in here. But I used to have a problem with sweating a lot when I lived in Germany, too. I think I have too much testosterone.

Hospital
Temple, Texas

Overheard by: PuppsMcGee


The Witness Is Instructed to Answer the Question

Coworker #1: So we have to guess the celebrity you saw?
Coworker #2: He already told me.
Sales guy: I haven't seen any of the movies he's in…
Coworker #2: You haven't? I've seen one.
Coworker #1: Okay, tell me just one of the movies.
Sales guy: Have you seen the animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Coworker #1: What! (pause) Ugh… Okay, okay… Wait, have YOU seen this animated movie of Hansel and Gretel?
Sales guy: Well, I'm asking YOU if YOU'VE seen it.
Coworker#1: This is madness….

Charlotte, North Carolina


He's Still on Hold

Coworker: I kept waiting for him to hang up on me. I gave him several opportunities.

North Dakota