Archive for October, 2011

To Be Fair, It Was Just a Shopping List.

Jewish salesgirl, reading post-it note on bookcase that has “the blood of Jesus” written on it repeatedly: What…? What is this?
Lesbian customer service rep: We found it behind Tamika’s* computer monitor, she must have written that before she quit.
Jewish salesgirl: Wow, okay, why?
Lesbian customer service rep: I think we might have been freaking her out so she felt the need to, um… that.
Jewish salesgirl: Oh… Um… You think if you say it in the mirror three times at midnight he’ll show up?

Fort Mill, South Carolina

Overheard by: Clarissa StTacocrotch


The Case Law Suggests Otherwise

Frustrated lawyer: Just because your sister is sleeping with someone in the company doesn’t mean that you should run a department…

Whipany, New Jersey

Overheard by: Waiting for vacation


Just Like Being Qualified To Teach

Professor: Being safe is like being pregnant, either you are or you aren’t.

Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: PT Student


Comparison Shopping With Dad

50-something man: I just don’t know. I just think underwire is so uncomfortable.
20-something woman: It’s not really that bad. But what I’m really looking for is something sheer and lacey, but not black. I don’t care if it has underwire or not. I was thinking I might have to go to the Hustler store.
50-something man: Well, I wouldn’t get anything from Hustler unless you absolutely have to. Did you try Frederick’s of Hollywood? I can always find stuff there.

Cincinnati, Ohio


Now can you quote me a price on those dirty deeds?

Office manager: You don’t like Zeppelin?
Assistant: Nope, i never got into Zeppelin…
Office manager: You didn’t do drugs, that’s why.
(pause)
Office manager: What about AC/DC?
Assistant: I like AC/DC.
Office manager: You gotta like AC/DC. If you are white, you gotta like them. If you don’t, it’s just wrong.

Charlotte, North Carolina


German, Jewish, or Both? Discuss.

Receptionist to caller: Haha, you mean eee-been-Steiner? I’ll put you through.
Receptionist to coworker: I just had someone call asking for a Mr Effenheimer.

Minneapolis, Minnesota


Why Married Men Weep Alone at Night, When No One Sees

Nurse #1: Oh my God! Sue’s getting married. I can tell she’s really happy. I’ve never seen her smile so much.
Nurse #2: Yeah, I know. She knows she’ll never have to give another blowjob again.
Nurse #1, laughing: Hey that’s funny. Gee… I can’t wait to get married!

Newcastle
Australia

Overheard by: Nurse