Ad­min­is­tra­tive as­sis­tant: I just want­ed to touch bases with you be­fore I touch base with you lat­er.

Al­bany, New York

Over­heard by: Sean

Cus­tomer: No whipped cream on the top, please.
Barista: Would you like whipped cream any­where else?

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Lit­tle Miss De­caf

Work­er: Does any­body know where the fake poop is? I want to put it on the soap dis­penser in the bath­room.

St Louis, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: is it lunchtime yet?

Para­le­gal: So I fig­ured, if I wan­na be a nurse, I can wash a midget.

San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: melis­sa

Vice Pres­i­dent: Why are you late?
Em­ploy­ee: Be­cause I was fuck­ing your daugh­ter all night.

Lau­rel, Mis­sis­sip­pi

Over­heard by: Server­boy

Su­per­vi­sor: Geez, does she like any­thing?
(drone opens mouth to an­swer)
Su­per­vi­sor: Don’t an­swer that on the sales floor.

North Hamp­ton, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: R.T.

CSR on the phone: I need you to tell me what you want, I’m not Miss Cleo.

Amer­i­can Fork, Utah

Over­heard by: Strife

Boss: So they’re ei­ther ship­ping the com­put­er from Japan or Ko­rea.
In­tern: Japan sounds about right.
Boss: Un­less it’s com­ing from Ko­rea. In which case they might be strap­ping it to a mis­sile and send­ing it over here.

Gene­seo, New York

De­vel­op­er #1: You smell like ba­con.
De­vel­op­er #2, de­light­ed: Thank you!

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: ker­mi­na­tor

Cowork­er #1: Ewwww! It says here CBS is go­ing to put laser im­prints of its lo­go on eggs.
Cowork­er #2: I did­n’t know CBS sold eggs.

Mar­ble­head, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: They’re go­ing to know it was me