Female cube rat: It took me like three minutes to eat the whole 14 inches.
Ivyland, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: impressive technique
Archive for July, 2011
I’ve Had Just About Enough Of Your Fowl Behavior.
Boss to HR: You do that again and I’ll stick my finger in your chicken.
Irvine, California
Overheard by: TravisPeriod
Poor Mel Gibson
Employee #1: This old fart is so devious and evil that if you lock him up alone in the room he would curse his own self.
Employee #2: Shit, if he was the only person left on this earth he would start building conspiracies with his own balls, trying to antagonize his lefty against the righty.
Winchester, Virginia
Career Tip: Never Skip Breakfast, Dear Reader
Coworker on phone: “C” as in “telephone”? Oh, “a” as in “telephone”…
Grandview, Ohio
Overheard by: Ty
After Two Weeks Of Rain, One Starts Looking Hopefully for Signs Of the Apocalypse
Female manager: I’m glad I took the day off! I’d rather be raptured at home.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Eh, That’s Public Service.
Coworker: Did she come?
Secretary: Oh yeah.
Coworker: Wow, that was fast!
Secretary: Yup, in and out!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Ian
…What’s Gonna Happen to My Gmail Account?
Student girl #1: Did you know the government is shutting down?
Student girl #2: I don’t pay attention to politics.
Student girl #1: I heard about it on Facebook. They owe, like, billions of dollars. And now, like, if you’re a mailman, you’re not gonna get paid.
Student girl #2: Man, that sucks.
Loyola University
Maryland
Overheard by: How the hell did they get into this school?!
…And You’re Totally Ruining My Buzz.
Claims adjuster: Sir, insurance companies just don’t work like that. (pause) We can’t let the body shop do whatever they want. They have to follow an estimate. (pause) Sir. (pause) Well, didn’t you just say the shop was full of liars and druggies? (pause) Sir, I’m trying to help you get your car fixed, but you keep calling us druggies and saying that god is going to smite us.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: I shouldn’t have skipped church yesterday
Neither Of These Employees Is Allowed to Speak to Customers
Engineer: Ew! Megan Fox’s thumbs look like toes!
Technician: Yeah, but I bet they don’t taste like toes!
Warrington
England
Overheard by: jon drake
And We Don’t Even Know Their Orientation
Receptionist to coworker: I am not sure about this delivering this orientation today, I’ve never had to do two people at the same time.
Madison, Wisconsin
