Man at urinal: What I would really like to know is why my piss smells like tuna.
Men's Room
Chicago, Illinois
Archive for June, 2011
Michigan Gals Are Famous for Their Deep Discounts
Male furniture salesperson to female furniture salesperson: Did you go down on those two women yet?
Howell, Michigan
…After Digging Him Up
Portly IT guy on phone: That's almost as bad as my cousin kicking a dead man in the head and breaking his jaw.
Jacksonville, Florida
The Rwandan Civil War Comes to New Jersey
Coworker #1: We need printing guidelines for clients.
Coworker #2: I don't care what they print on: Mylar, Duratran, paper-machete…
Kenilworth, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scared Employee
Now Put Your Hands in the Fare Like You Just Don't Care!
Bus driver: Give me a “ho” if you got your funky bus fare!
Passenger: Ho! (drops token in slot)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Last Time We Tried That, We Wound Up with Our Heads Glued Together!
Engineer #1: So, Tom*, I'm going to need you to get me up to date on all of these projects before you leave.
Engineer #2: Yes, I think a Vulcan mind meld is the best option.
Hill Field, Utah
Overheard by: Snickering Intern
Worst. Second Job. Ever.
Interviewer: In you medical record it states you had tuberculosis, how did you come across that?
Former sailor/job seeker: I dunno… Probably the whorehouses.
La Plata, Maryland
Overheard by: Got the job ayway!
Not Until the Republicans Take Congress Back, Anyway
Secretary: Nicole is on the phone for you.
Boss: Oh, man!
Secretary: I can get rid of her for you… Not in a mobster kind of way!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Mock Turtle Soup? It Certainly Is.
Coworker #1, seeing coworker #2 bring a plate of food: Don't expect this all the time. By the way, thanks for breakfast this morning.
Coworker #2: See? It's quid faux crow!
Coworker #1: Umm… No. It's not.
Leawood, Kansas
Overheard by: The Grammar Nazi
And You're Positive You Don't Want to Revise That?
Male employee: This chocolate is divine.
Female employee: What did you say?
Male employee: This chocolate is… divine?
Emeryville, California