Coworker #1: Sometimes when I walk by, I just stand here and watch you like you're in the zoo.
Coworker #2: My cage is open. I'm gonna freaking maul your ass.
Kirkland, Washington
Archive for May, 2011
His Brain Is Just One Long Dial Tone.
Coworker on phone: 'A' as in 'telephone'? (pause) Oh, 'e' as in 'telephone.'
Grandview, Ohio
Ah, the Eternal Question.
Office guy: Yo, why they always gotta play porn music when I'm on hold?
Queens, New York
We Warn You Not to Read This One, Gentlemen
Cubicle guy #1: So your sister had surgery?
Cubicle guy #2: Yeah, she had a hysterectomy.
Cubicle guy #1: Oh, wow, so she don't want more kids.
Cubicle guy #2: Well, she had a c-section with the last one and there was so much scar tissue in her uterus that she was having never-ending periods and just bleeding for months on end. She said she was not doing anything but bleeding and passing golf ball-sized clots and ruining her furniture, clothes, sheets. She was tired of having really bloody periods.
Cubicle guy #1: Oh.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Rachael
Lets Just Say Your Driving Privileges Are on the Rocks.
Clerk: I saw you driving earlier, did you get your license back?
Customer: Yeah, it's all good now. If I could only stay out of the bar…
Clerk: You don't think there's a connection between those two things?
Customer: What do you mean?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFS
Maybe You're Not
Girl stirring pasta : I have this weird thing where I won't eat it if it stinks.
Intern : That's what he said! Wooo!
Girl : No, that's not what he said. That's what I said and we're not talking about pussy!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Neffanation
It Shall Be Called “The George W. Bush Presidential Library”
Company president: I'm going to take a dump… a special dump.
Kenilworth, New Jersey
Overheard by: Special Employee
This Office Has a Way Of Keeping You on Your Toes.
Network drone: You can tell me my boss has a foot fetish but you can't tell me if I'm getting a promotion or not?
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: No More Stilettos in the Workplace
This Company Has the Shortest Possible Staff Meetings
Office lady: Is someone moving furniture upstairs?
Cubicle guy: I think Mark* just farted.
Mark*: Excuse me…
Portland, Oregon
Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceuticals Is Twice-Blessed
Student #1: Is her name Johnson or Johnston?
Student #2: It's Johnston, stupid! “Johnson” is another way to say penis.
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ms. Johnston