Cheese-smelling proletariat: I have a big appetite for a little person. I mean, I can put it away! I am a small person, though I don’t look too small lately.
State Agency
Austin, Texas
Archive for April, 2011
The Lost Episode Of Roseanne
Tan, middle-aged man with a mullet, pointing at printer: When Jackie rubs it, it goes quick!
Maryland
Overheard by: Who is Jackie & why is she rubbing printers?
When It Comes to Co-workers, Everyone’s Stuck with a Few Lemons.
Paginator #1: Wow, this lemonade is lemony.
Paginator #2, holding glass with half a lemon in it: Really? That’s surprising, since they didn’t put much lemon juice in it.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Rebecca E.
Worse– For Birthday Snacks!
Help desk coordinator: It’s a revolution, Wade!
Asian guy, without pause: Yes. What kind? For money or power?
Malvern, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: IT Monkey
Mmmm, Subcontinent…
Peon: I think I’m going Indian for lunch.
Manhattan, New York
…You Smell Like Gas.
Coworker #1: I was putting gas in the car and the nozzle just sprayed out of the gas tank and all over me. If someone were to light a match, I’d go up in flames. (disappears for a short time to change into a pair of jeans)
Coworker #2, not having heard the previous story: Oh my gosh, are you wearing jeans?
Coworker #1: Yep.
Coworker #2: Why?
(coworker #1 proceeds to retell the gas-spilling story)
Coworker #2: Oh my gosh, do your other pants smell like gas?
Coworker #1, very seriously: Nope, they smell like lemons.
Plymouth, Minnesota
In Texas, It Would’ve Been Justifiable Homocide
Coworker: He had on one of those sleeveless vests…
Bellevue, Washington
I Compensate for Arriving Late by Leaving Early
Company president/daughter of founder: Does the the mail really need to go out so early? I have a hard time getting in here by 10.
Mesquite, Nevada
Overheard by: Didn’t win the genetic lottery
Always a Nice Day for a Weird Wedding
Asian office girl: Yeah, my wedding is going to be a Western wedding and not a traditional Chinese one.
Blonde office girl: (silent and perplexed)
Asian office girl, noticing the confusion: Like, Western culturally. Not like cowboy-and-Indians Western, you know.
Blonde office girl: Ohhhh, okay! I was totally gonna say that would be a really weird wedding!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: surrounded by idiots
It Was V‑dubbed Into English
Coworker about his new car: It’s not foreign, it’s German!
Bellevue, Washington
