Guy, while shopping: Naw, dude, the chainsaw really didn't go all that deep. It really didn't even hurt when it went in. My hand is healing up fine.
Jackson, Mississippi
Archive for February, 2011
I Was “Working Late” Last Night, If You Follow Me
Female coworker: No one has an extra birth control pill that I could have… Do they?
Manhattan, New York
And It's Mr. Krabs
Peon #1, about SpongeBob: No, the lobster's name is Larry.
Peon #2: I thought the lobster's name was Mr Crabby?
Peon #1: That would be the crab.
Peon #2: Ohhhh, I right, I can see that.
Northridge, California
I'm Both Excited and Frightened
Professor: So for Friday, you need me to get a big box.
University of British Columbia
Canadia
…Followed by Cake
Physical therapist: Where did you get the cake?
Teacher: BJ's.
Physical therapist: Oh! I love BJ's!
Manhattan, New York
At Least You Admit It's Little.
Driver to another: Hey, sorry I hit your head with my little thing when we were playing earlier.
Kansas
Overheard by: dismayed dispatcher
It's Important to Have Good Support at Home.
Female coworker, about keeping bananas alive longer: I have a banana hammock, too!
World Trade Center
Arkansas
Overheard by: CorporateDrone
Jarrod Learns the Fax Of Life
Intern standing at fax machine to admin assistant: Yeah! I finished! It took me like 45 minutes! Do you guys fax a lot? I think I'll just make a phone call next time.
Seattle, Washington
If Aesop Lived in New Jersey
Colleague: I just ate a pen cap thinking it was a tootsie roll. Always look before putting stuff in your mouth.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: oh dear
I Love Holidays at Grandma's House!
Office girl during lunch: I just want to move the nuts and eat the goo…
Lubbock, Texas