Guy, while shopping: Naw, dude, the chainsaw really didn’t go all that deep. It really didn’t even hurt when it went in. My hand is healing up fine.
Jackson, Mississippi
Guy, while shopping: Naw, dude, the chainsaw really didn’t go all that deep. It really didn’t even hurt when it went in. My hand is healing up fine.
Jackson, Mississippi
Female coworker: No one has an extra birth control pill that I could have… Do they?
Manhattan, New York
Peon #1, about SpongeBob: No, the lobster’s name is Larry.
Peon #2: I thought the lobster’s name was Mr Crabby?
Peon #1: That would be the crab.
Peon #2: Ohhhh, I right, I can see that.
Northridge, California
Professor: So for Friday, you need me to get a big box.
University of British Columbia
Canadia
Driver to another: Hey, sorry I hit your head with my little thing when we were playing earlier.
Kansas
Overheard by: dismayed dispatcher
Female coworker, about keeping bananas alive longer: I have a banana hammock, too!
World Trade Center
Arkansas
Overheard by: CorporateDrone
Intern standing at fax machine to admin assistant: Yeah! I finished! It took me like 45 minutes! Do you guys fax a lot? I think I’ll just make a phone call next time.
Seattle, Washington
Colleague: I just ate a pen cap thinking it was a tootsie roll. Always look before putting stuff in your mouth.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: oh dear
Office girl during lunch: I just want to move the nuts and eat the goo…
Lubbock, Texas
Middle-aged woman: Can I have extra sauerkraut with that? I love sauerkraut but never get it at home, even though I live in a neighborhood with lots of German food. It gives me gas.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: formerteenhero
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist