Teen on cell: Well, you know … She just has that certain “jism” that is so attractive.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: You Mean Mojo
Archive for January, 2011
Best Hooker Name Ever.
Cube dweller: Come early. Bring cheesecake.
Pennington, New Jersey
Is There Something on My Face?
HR to employee: Did you eat my muffin yet?
Marlborough, Massachusetts
But at Least You Stop Having Periods
Patient to neurologist, exiting examination room: Yes, it really makes you wonder if it's worth it to go on, if you're just going to end up a horrible vampire.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: so true
…Or I'll Be As Upset As a Banshee.
Office lady #1: It's so hot in here, I'm sweating like a banshee.
Office lady #2: Banshees scream or screech. You mean you're sweating like a pig.
Office lady #1: Don't call me a pig!
Worcester, Massachusetts
Oh Sure, Target the One Haitian Guy in the Office
Boss: Dave*! You look like you've lost weight! Ever think about getting one of those HIV tests?
Calgary
Canadia
Avocados. (What Were You Thinking, Pervs?)
Female sales rep #1: So I don't like that kind too much.
Female sales rep #2: You like yours to be a little harder, like more firm?
Female sales rep #1: Yeah, but not too hard, I need to be able to pull the skin back and get to the good part.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Sometimes, When I'm in a Bad Mood, It Spits Fire.
Skinny teenage girl on phone to friend: So anyway, I told him he ain't giving me oral sex first thing in the morning. It's like, so gross. My vagina might get morning breath!
Kingswood
Australia
Overheard by: breath mints anyone?
Rachel Took Bronze at the TMI Olympics
Manager, in frustration: I have cough drops, tea, antibiotics, cough medicine, and I'm even wearing a panty liner in case I cough too hard.
Lawrenceville, Georgia
…As George W. Bush Famously Said.
Coworker's friend, on speakerphone: I do nothing useful in this organization, and I'm committed to continuing to do just that.
Manhattan, New York