So I’ll Be Out Of Work for a While

Cowork­er: It was so good I licked my box!

Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: con­fused but amused

Like Texas, a Good Idea That Turned Out Poor­ly

Cowork­er to ad­min: Might sound weird, and I nev­er thought I’d have to say this, but you look pret­ty good as a zom­bie.

McK­in­ney, Texas

…And Let’s Not Even Talk About the Sta­pler-Spoon.

Cu­bi­cle rat, in loud voice: Hey, where were you when I need­ed a knife? I had to use a key!

St. Louis, Mis­souri

Over­heard by: durp

…And No One Even Ap­plaud­ed!

Guy in cu­bi­cle: I seemed to have dropped my cam­era in the toi­let.

Bal­ti­more, Mary­land

Wan­na Feel??

Of­fice la­dy #1: How do you feel?
Of­fice la­dy #2: I’ve had this hard spot right here and then I have this re­al­ly hard spot over here.
Of­fice la­dy #1: No?
Of­fice la­dy #2: And the re­al­ly hard spot is mov­ing to­wards my crotch!
Of­fice la­dy #1: That sucks.

Mi­a­mi, Flori­da

Over­heard by: DeeDee

The Cam­era Hates You

Pho­tog­ra­ph­er dur­ing pho­to shoot: Wow! We’re re­al­ly gonna need to Pho­to­shop you!

Den­ver, Col­orado

Jay‑Z Has a Rea­son­able Doubt About Be­y­on­cé

Para­le­gal: So I ripped her arm off.
Lawyer #1: Wait. What part do I get?
Para­le­gal: You get her leg.
Lawyer #2: Just don’t leave her booty be­hind.

In­di­ana

Over­heard by: I think I’ll be leav­ing now.

I Was Dragged Out Of the Womb Kick­ing and Scream­ing

20-some­thing woman to 50-some­thing cowork­er: If you did­n’t want to be so old, you should­n’t have been born so long ago.

Mel­bourne
Aus­tralia

Okay, $10

Fe­male CSR, hold­ing pot­ted plant: Jack*, can you feel this for me?
Male CSR, with back turned, jok­ing: Sure, for $20!
Fe­male CSR: Do you think it’s moist enough?

Bed­ford, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: Peg­meis­ter

And Don’t Start With Me About Beam Lube

Fe­male ar­chi­tect to male en­gi­neer: I don’t care about the size of your beam, it’s not go­ing to fit in this space I have!

Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Of­fice temp